I’ve been conducting a survey, consulting specialty psych articles and talking to therapists. In doing so, I posed various questions regarding the Psychology of Attraction, and one of the biggest ones was – What kind of Women do Men Really like? I’ve listened and taken notes, then I’ve read and listened some more, just because it felt fair – we’ve been dealing with the kind of guys we gals mostly fall for and why, but what kind of women do men like?
We gals may have a stereotype in our minds that guys are only attracted to the 90-60-90 type of women, fat lips and slim waists, inflated boobs and scrunched brains, high cheekbones and short attention span, fully butts and empty stomachs. Well, here comes the verdict of the survey. The stereotype is – wait for it – tr… fall…..tru…..fallllll…… only partly TRUE.
Yes, physical aspect is very important for the guys. The Pamela Anderson stereotype is successful, but guess what? Not more than others. Men’s tastes in what they like in women vary, and they vary a whole lot, so discussing what you should look like to attract a partner is rather useless. The survey concluded in three tips about how to be attractive to men. Three tips that will never fail to matter:
- Grooming and Hygiene – Keep it to your own style, if decent or ostentatious, but be groomed. Grooming in truth matters because it latches on receptors in the male brain that tell the man you’re clean.
- Silence and Feedback – Not because men like stupid women – by no means, they do care about the kind of woman that appreciates them; no point if that woman is someone whose opinion no one holds in any special regard – but because silence often equals mystery, and because silence enables listening, which not only men, but people generally deeply appreciate. Listening shows the person that you truly do care about them and what they have to say. This is how men often lose their heads for women who don’t really have anything to talk about – they mistake that for mystery and being “a good listener.” The man gets the feeling that he “inhabits” the woman. Most men are “penetrators,” so feeling they “inhabit” a woman gives them the same kind of satisfaction in the psyche that sex does physically. This way the man can project his own Anima – the feminine part of his psyche – into the woman. In short, silence leaves room for fantasy. Giving feedback to what she is told by asking questions or offering an opinion – without making it about herself – only enhances the effect the silent woman has on the man.
- Modesty – People – not only men – are attracted to modesty (in combination with the two traits above; no point in smelling of sweat and being modest, even though the combo may have its moments in intimacy). The femme fatale type from the movies does have her fair share of the market, but the men who go for that kind of woman are NOT the rule. If the femme fatale does enjoy a measure of success, it’s mostly short-lived and restricted to the passionate part of a relationship. When the going gets tough, the femme fatale will get cheated on, dumped, or – if she’s lucky and the partner does stay with her – the guy turns out to be a psycho, stalker and often abuser with serious mommy issues. Or a poet.
We’ll go in on these subjects in following articles in the following weeks – Wednesdays will be for the exploration of Romance Tips, How to be Attractive, and Love Issues, so stay tuned. I’m deep in studies and research and interviews. Just a short disclaimer: There are always exceptions to the rule, and my studies aim to drill and go in-depth on the rule, not the exceptions. We are all unique, and I love conducting studies on one person alone (Personal Profiles), but I’m not at the liberty to disclose the findings publicly on the blog, but only to mingle them with the discoveries from other individuals, as well as with research and interview results, and thereby calculate the “rule.”
I’d love to hear your take on this first article of the series, your personal experiences and views. The real dissection of the matter only begins at the end of the post, with your comments 🙂 I’m looking forward to reading from you!
Ana C. Blacklace 