I’ve been conducting a survey, consulting specialty psych articles and talking to therapists. In doing so, I posed various questions regarding the Psychology of Attraction, and one of the biggest ones was – What kind of Women do Men Really like? I’ve listened and taken notes, then I’ve read and listened some more, just because it felt fair – we’ve been dealing with the kind of guys we gals mostly fall for and why, but what kind of women do men like?
We gals may have a stereotype in our minds that guys are only attracted to the 90-60-90 type of women, fat lips and slim waists, inflated boobs and scrunched brains, high cheekbones and short attention span, fully butts and empty stomachs. Well, here comes the verdict of the survey. The stereotype is – wait for it – tr… fall…..tru…..fallllll…… only partly TRUE.
Yes, physical aspect is very important for the guys. The Pamela Anderson stereotype is successful, but guess what? Not more than others. Men’s tastes in what they like in women vary, and they vary a whole lot, so discussing what you should look like to attract a partner is rather useless. The survey concluded in three tips about how to be attractive to men. Three tips that will never fail to matter:
- Grooming and Hygiene – Keep it to your own style, if decent or ostentatious, but be groomed. Grooming in truth matters because it latches on receptors in the male brain that tell the man you’re clean.
- Silence and Feedback – Not because men like stupid women – by no means, they do care about the kind of woman that appreciates them; no point if that woman is someone whose opinion no one holds in any special regard – but because silence often equals mystery, and because silence enables listening, which not only men, but people generally deeply appreciate. Listening shows the person that you truly do care about them and what they have to say. This is how men often lose their heads for women who don’t really have anything to talk about – they mistake that for mystery and being “a good listener.” The man gets the feeling that he “inhabits” the woman. Most men are “penetrators,” so feeling they “inhabit” a woman gives them the same kind of satisfaction in the psyche that sex does physically. This way the man can project his own Anima – the feminine part of his psyche – into the woman. In short, silence leaves room for fantasy. Giving feedback to what she is told by asking questions or offering an opinion – without making it about herself – only enhances the effect the silent woman has on the man.
- Modesty – People – not only men – are attracted to modesty (in combination with the two traits above; no point in smelling of sweat and being modest, even though the combo may have its moments in intimacy). The femme fatale type from the movies does have her fair share of the market, but the men who go for that kind of woman are NOT the rule. If the femme fatale does enjoy a measure of success, it’s mostly short-lived and restricted to the passionate part of a relationship. When the going gets tough, the femme fatale will get cheated on, dumped, or – if she’s lucky and the partner does stay with her – the guy turns out to be a psycho, stalker and often abuser with serious mommy issues. Or a poet.
We’ll go in on these subjects in following articles in the following weeks – Wednesdays will be for the exploration of Romance Tips, How to be Attractive, and Love Issues, so stay tuned. I’m deep in studies and research and interviews. Just a short disclaimer: There are always exceptions to the rule, and my studies aim to drill and go in-depth on the rule, not the exceptions. We are all unique, and I love conducting studies on one person alone (Personal Profiles), but I’m not at the liberty to disclose the findings publicly on the blog, but only to mingle them with the discoveries from other individuals, as well as with research and interview results, and thereby calculate the “rule.”
I’d love to hear your take on this first article of the series, your personal experiences and views. The real dissection of the matter only begins at the end of the post, with your comments 🙂 I’m looking forward to reading from you!
12 thoughts on “What kind of Women do Men Really Like? – Psychology of Attraction”
What a huge subject considering all the unique individual beings out there, it is very hard to establish any general common factors, good luck with your studies.
Indeed, dear Rosie, that’s why I restricted to three factors. People are so different, and the subject is huge. There are common factors, but when one, say, “applies” them, one can’t use a “procedure” on people. People are not machines. 🙂 Your comment reminds me strongly of my mother’s a few years back when I started the study. She said, “What are you trying to do, come up with a theory?” The smile that accompanied her comment was wise and soft, and maybe slightly amused 🙂
It is a worthy subject considering the huge misconceptions, cynicism, and media overload on what makes an attractive man or woman. All of the negativity and heartache aside, It’s widely known that men are visual creatures. We notice every woman that crosses our path. Every girl gets a first look. How she presents herself determines if he looks twice and she determines if he investigates or not. A woman’s body language cues a man more than her physical attributes on that second look. The third checkpoint is her character and personality. If she signals interest and she has his attention, the probability for more is likely. An important thing to remember is men are normally aggressive and competitive and it gets worse with other men around. If you want to attract men who are interested in women, be a counterpart to that male testosterone and tame the beast with feminine charm.
Thank you so much for your input, cuzz! Please know it’s appreciated. Some following articles will be about women’s desires as well. Women are visual too, but not in the same way as men, as in not every guy gets a first look LOL. He has to stand out somehow.
Yes, I’ve often heard that the media distorts the image of what is attractive. While I can understand and even agree to some of the standards promoted – such as being slim (not skinny!!!) because it enhances the gracefulness of movement and it makes the woman seem more “naked,” I have quite a number of male friends who would speak vehemently against that. I even met men who went out with very beautiful women just to show off, but they cheated on them with wiggly, glasses-wearing and warm-smiling normal women, sometimes older than their “display” girlfriends. To be exact, I know of no less than 3 such situations in my circle of pals alone. And much more could be said on the subject, but I’ll stop here and warmly invite everybody to express their opinions.
Once again thank you for your input, it’s always valuable.
Oooh this was interesting and cool! There are actually a few different caricatures of the attractive woman in the media. There’s the extreme proportioned Pam Anderson type (Which seems less popular since, like, the 90’s passed), there’s also models/actresses that are very slim, tall, blonde, long-haired, wrinkle-less, etc. Then there’s the Kim K/Beyoncee dark & curvy type which at least takes some pressure off of women always having to be thin. I think a lot of guys probably have more than one type. Though you’ll see that one guy who will only date redheads or something. LOL! I fall into the tall, thin, blonde category and I get a lot “up front” attention, but like a lot of articles you mentioned say, men are looking for certain personalities/characteristics which is where I really get burned. :S I’m not really interested in changing because if I did, I wouldn’t write as much as I do or travel around. I’d be a very different person. It’s okay, though, I’ll be that hot older woman sleeping with 20 year olds so it ain’t all bad. 😉 (Kidding! Sort of.)
This is such a fascinating subject, I loved reading your personal views and experiences on the matter. You’re absolutely right, and you made a very good point: nowadays there’s a diva or two out there for just any body type, including the overweight (Melissa McCarthy, whom I adore). Of course it matters if we’re a certain man’s “type” or not, but the senses can react even if we’re not. I’ve encountered many examples in my research where women who were considered completely unattractive could become attractive through their manner. This is a very deep subject that I look forward to exploring, and I love it that you expressed your thoughts in detail, dear Sara. And hey, what’s wrong with young lovers? If tycoons can do it, why not tycoonesses too 🙂
I also want to give you kudos for starting this study, Ana. 🙂 I hope you enjoy yourself and learn a lot. I see so many dumb studies out there based loosely on evolutionary psychology. You see studies trying to disprove that men like thin women and it’s annoying seeing those as a thin woman who eats healthy and takes care of herself. So the fact that you’re diving deep with an open mind of the various preferences out there based on socioeconomic/cultural backgrounds and what sorts of media they tune into, I’m sure you’re going to find some very cool results. 🙂
Thank you so very much, dear Sara! yes, I’ve noticed that many studies out there are completely wrong or written on commission from a revolving chair somewhere in a cubicle, based on Wikipedia or – even worse – graphs from Google Images. And romance is not the only subject on which bad studies with dumb results have been published. My son’s pediatrician actually told me there are studies out there that show people can’t learn foreign languages from the TV – she was trying to get me not to let my son watch TV. I said she should tell that to the entire romanian population that learned Spanish watching Latin American soap operas, LOL. And that’s just an example of many. Thank you for your comment, I totally appreciate it!
This is very interesting. Someday try to go with what kind of men a women would like haha. Enjoyed reading this!
Thanks so much 🙂 I’m planning on it around next week. I was going to look at why girls go for the bad boy type (or what’s attractive about that type) and why the Best Friend Type rarely gets the girl. What do you think?
Haha the bad boy type preferance is actually a reality 🙉 would love to read what comes from you on this topic. Good luck 🙂 n u may also visit ny blog, hope u find it good, Ana 🙂
I can appreciate and relate to much of this. Great post 😊