The 36 questions that can make your crush fall in love with you – set 3 – final

And here we are with the 3rd and final set of the 36 Questions that can Make your Crush Fall in Love with you. Complex experiments run by reputed scientists over the course of years have revealed that not only chemistry has an important part to play in attraction, but that we may actively influence the process a well. Simply put, we can contribute to making our crush fall in love with us.

Check out the first two articles Set 1 and Set 2 of the 36 Questions that can Make your Crush Fall in Love with you. Now, here we go with . . .

Set 3

  1. How would you say that you and I (the dialogue partner) are feeling right now together?
  2. Finish the sentence: “I wish I had someone with whom to share . . .”
  3. If you were to become your dialogue partner’s close friend, what do you feel he/she should know about you?
  4. Tell your partner what you like about her/him; be very honest, and tell her/him things you wouldn’t normally tell some you’ve just met.
  5. Tell your partner about an embarrassing moment in your life.
  6. When was the last time you cried in front of someone? How about alone?
  7. Tell your partner the first thing you liked about her/him.
  8. If there was one thing too serious to joke about, what do you think that would be?
  9. If you were to die tonight without the chance of talking to anyone before that, what would you regret not having said to someone? Why haven’t you said it?
  10. If your house and all your possessions were on fire, after having saved all your loved ones including pets, what would be the last thing you would go back to save if there was still time? Why?
  11. Of all the people you care about, whose death would hurt you the most? Why?
  12. Tell your partner one of your problems and ask them how they’d solve it if they were you.

Note: In my opinion it would be best if you had a “facilitator”, a neutral someone to introduce the tasks for you when the questions aren’t direct (it’s best if you ask those yourself) or to create the context. Otherwise, some of this might feel kinda awkward, wouldn’t you say?

Enjoyed this? Plenty more Love Psychology and Love Secrets where this came from. Feel free to roam the site for personality tests, taboo-splintering articles and romantic suspense stories for the sassy reader. Subscribe to this blog and follow me on Twitter and Facebook for even more fun, and to receive notifications every time a new article hits the grid – soon a new personality test of the series What does your Story say about you? Looking forward to reading from you!

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The 36 questions that can make your crush fall in love with you – set 2

As promised, here we are with Set 2 of The 36 Questions that Will Make Your Crush Fall in Love with You. Last week we saw that complex experiments run by reputed scientists over the course of years have revealed that not only chemistry has an important part to play in attraction, but that we may actively influence the process as well. Simply put, we can contribute to making our crush fall in love with us.

Check out last week’s article for Set 1 of the 36 Questions that can Make Your Crush fall in Love with you. Today, here we go with . . .

Set 2:

  1. If you had a crystal globe to tell you the truth about your true self, your future or the meaning of your life, what would you choose to know?
  2. Is there something you’ve been dreaming about doing for a long time? Why haven’t you done it?
  3. What do you feel is your greatest achievement?
  4. What do you value most in friendship?
  5. What is your fondest memory?
  6. What is your most horrible memory?
  7. If you knew that you’d die suddenly in one year, would you change anything about your current way of life? Why?
  8. What is friendship to you?
  9. What part does affection play in your life?
  10. Tell your partner what you think are 5 of their greatest character traits. (Have someone ask them to do the same for you in return.)
  11. How close and loving is your family? Do you feel you had a happier childhood than most people?
  12. How do you feel about the relationship between you and your mother?

Enjoyed this? Plenty more Love Psychology and Love Secrets where this came from. Feel free to roam the site for personality tests, taboo-splintering articles and romantic suspense stories for the sassy reader. Subscribe to this blog and follow me on Twitter and Facebook for even more fun, and to receive notifications every time a new article hits the grid – soon Set 3 of The 36 Questions that can Make your Crush fall in Love with You. And, most importantly, stay tuned for a new personality tests project that will be launched on Saturday, based on stories – What does your Story say about You. Looking forward to it!

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3 types of love that impact your life dramatically

As a writer of romantic suspense imbued with psychological mystery I explore the topic of love in depth, and have been doing so for many years. Okay, I’m “using” it, too, like some people use drugs. I can never get enough of it. Love is the ultimate pleasure, and research has shown that human life does, indeed, revolve around love.

But love comes in many forms, and in this post (part 2 next week) we’ll look at the main types of love that impact us hardest and what they say about us.

  1. Love at first sight and secret love

Did you ever feel you fell in love as if “struck by lightning”, as soon as your eyes locked with another’s? Love at first sight is something you remember your entire life, it’s extremely strong, and puts butterflies in your stomach. But you must keep in mind that this kind of love is addictive. You soon feel you can’t breathe without the person.

What’s just as strong is the secret kind of love, as ravishing as love at first sight, only that it’s impossible to bring it to expression. This is the kind of love in which you hope that the other person feels the same, but it’s impossible for you to explore the relationship due to external or moral obstacles. This is the kind of love you might feel for a teacher, a married boss, your boyfriend’s/girlfriend’s best friend, your best friend’s ex; generally, people who are “off limits.” This kind of love often fuels romance novels, and they’re often inspired by real life situations – I’d love to hear your stories here, so please share in a comment, if you feel comfortable. Let us explore this further.

  1. Unrequited love

This is an extremely painful kind of love that everybody goes through at least once in a lifetime. In this situation you love someone intensely, but you’re aware this person will never love you in return. It’s a devastating but also transformational kind of love, the love that conveys most emotional maturity and depth. It’s a cathartic, purifying, and deep-drilling kind of love. Being tried and forged in this kind of love will ultimately make you a fascinating person.

  1. Obsessive love

This is the kind of love where one partner is obsessed or emotionally dependant on the other. One feels completely helpless and lost without their loved one. Unfortunately, obsessive love can only lead to the destruction of the couple because the way the obsessed person expresses their feelings hurts the other, limits them and/or conditions them. Obsessive lovers are often afraid and lack confidence, which is human, and obsessive love is something almost everybody experiences at one point in their loves. Whatever goes beyond that, nevertheless, (repeated or particularly intense loves that elicit questionable action) may be a sign of mental instability or mental disorder. Stalkers are “born” of obsessive lovers. Got stories? I’d love to read them! Leave a comment, if you feel comfortable, and let’s talk about it.

Feel like more love talk or personality tests that will reveal who you are? Feel free to roam this site for them in the upper sections like the “Personality Tests” section, or by scrolling down among older posts – there’s a whole lot to choose from there. On Twitter and Facebook we discuss hot matters daily, so stay tuned : )

 

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What does your Tarot Card say about you?

Important areas connected to the psychology of love that I so love diving into (and from which my romance novels have been born) are symbolism, occultism and astrology. Based on them I created personality tests that will bring you closer to discovering yourself as a lover – not only how you love but also how you’re loved in return. This personality test will reveal something about the kind of love you ignite in others. Please read the question below and the five possible answers. As always, try to make your choice in a relaxed state, and from the gut. Send the neo-cortex on a break, and dive into your subconscious.

Which of the following objects would you choose if they were presented to you on a tray under the moonlight?

  1. An ancient scroll
  2. A silver cross
  3. A black and golden star
  4. A scepter
  5. A lily

Interpretation:

  1. You’re a Magician. You have more power than you imagine. A fascinating mind, a knower of the heart and an alchemist lie at the core of your personality. You have the ability to manipulate energy. While you cannot influence specific people, your aura of power and wisdom will attract attention.
  2. You’re a High Priest/ess. Psychic, secretive and influential, your powers are subversive and relentless. You can connect to your love interest on deep levels and, with the right experience and training, even cause dreams and an inescapable telepathic connection. But for everything there’s a price. Use your talents well.
  3. You’re Death. Yours is a demanding, transformational and consuming type of love. The kind of love you ignite in others is addictive, dark, draining and, while the intensity is through the roof and you have the power to make yourself unforgettable, chances are your love interest will run for their lives and burn the bridges behind them. You’re Joe Black.
  4. You’re an Empress/Emperor. You’re the very embodiment of femininity/masculinity. Fertility/Authority is what you inspire, and you’re likely to be considered perfect marriage material. Mature, reliable, nurturing and protective/loving, the kind of love you inspire is the committed kind. It may well be that, if your love interest doesn’t feel ready for a committed relationship at the moment, they won’t give in to your charms.
  5. You’re a Lover (the Lovers card). You embody temptation, sweetness, the scent of infinity and perfection wafting over from the sea. You offer and inspire devotion, and you hold the promise of healing. You’re the lover where a love interest will find healing. You’re the person whose skin smells like home, but the way to that may be paved with great challenges.

Enjoyed this? Plenty more where it came from. Feel free to roam this site for many similar goodies, and follow me on Twitter and Facebook for further discussions about love and relationships. For even more personality tests, secrets and talks, subscribe with your e-mail, and you’ll be notified each time a new test or a new discussion has been launched.

I love hearing from you. Please leave a comment with your thoughts on the topic, suggestions or experiences. The best discussions often take place in the comments section under the posts : )

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10 less popular truths about love

Psychology has shown more than once that human life revolves around love. A broad topic that’s been approached in all ways possible, and is yet far from exhausted. Especially us, writers, explore it in novels, short stories, novellas, seeking to satisfy our cravings and curiosities. One of my own personal favorites? – Is eternal infatuation with one partner possible? I’ve been exploring this one for a while now. Don’t get me wrong, I have deep appreciation for the “good wine”, the profound love that begins once the testosterone level has dropped and the juices of lust have dried, but I still relish it when voltage stirs the butterflies in my stomach. In my psychology research for my stories I came across many valuable pieces of information, and here is a sneak peak – some of the less popular truths about love.

  1. People look for very different types of love. Do not assume your lover is looking for the same as you are. You may be driven by a need for consuming love, while your partner seeks profound friendship. The variety is endless.
  2. You’ll like this one – You might mistake fear for indifference or irritability. Your partner may have chosen distance in order to protect themselves.
  3. You may be surprised by a desire to leave a partner that you love. Even by the desire of being with someone else. Such thoughts are normal, and they are born from fear. It is wisest not to act on them until time validates them.
  4. You’ll sometimes feel that you’re too good for the person you’re with.
  5. Having children does not strengthen relationships. It weakens them. Exhaustion and a feeling of being overburdened take a heavy toll. Work is required in order to grow from that.
  6. Keeping the romance alive over the years requires hard work and psychological finesse. Education on the subject is paramount. Read, read, read.
  7. You’ll often feel offended, and you’ll feel the need to insult back.
  8. The first time your partner will belch in your presence without apologizing will hit you hard. That’s when they’re getting too comfortable, and you’re starting to feel taken for granted. Yes, it’s the beginning of the end.
  9. Sometimes you may cause each other pain on purpose, and it’ll have nothing to do with fluffy handcuffs and red bedrooms.
  10. The greater the love, the greater the risk.

Enjoyed this? Plenty more where it came from. Feel free to roam this site for many similar goodies, and follow me on Twitter and Facebook for further discussions about love and relationships. For even more secrets and talks, subscribe with your e-mail, and you’ll be notified each time a new discussion has been launched.

I love hearing from you. Please leave a comment with your thoughts on the topic, suggestions or experiences. The best discussions often take place in the comments section under the posts : )

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9 things you didn’t know about the psychology of love

There are special advantages to writing forbidden love romance – you learn secrets about the psychology of love. Here are a few gems I really wanted to share with you. And hey – plenty more where these came from.

  1. It takes less than 4 minutes to decide whether you’re into someone or not. In these 4 minutes your subconscious mind makes the decision based on the person’s physical appearance and non-verbal language.
  2. The effect that love has on the brain is similar to the effect of cocaine. Love causes the same kind of thrill, and the same kind of euphoria.
  3. When two lovers look into each other’s eyes, their hearts start beating in the same rhythm.
  4. Only looking at the picture of a loved one relieves pain – the lover’s face may act like a painkiller.
  5. Equally attractive people have higher chances at a balanced relationship. The same goes for equality on all levels. The more levels you and your partner are equal on, the more likely it is for your relationship to be successful.
  6. Apparently the brain isn’t wired to feel attracted to body shapes. It’s always the face that pushes the button. This basically means that an attractive body isn’t as important in attracting a partner as society lets us feel.
  7. The butterflies in your stomach are caused by adrenaline. When you feel the butterflies of infatuation, you’re in the fight or flight mode typical for dangerous situations.
  8. When you feel attracted to someone, your pupils dilate.
  9. Psychologists and researchers have discovered that people’s lives, goals and very existence revolve only around love.

Enjoyed this? Stay tuned for more soon, and feel free to roam the site for a whole lot of goodies from personality tests to hot psychology facts and suspenseful forbidden love stories. I’d love to hear from you, so feel free to leave me your ideas and opinions in a comment. I’m all about the discussion at the end of the game : )

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Quiz 5 – What kind of Lover are You?

Welcome to Quiz 5 of the Quiz Series – What kind of Lover are You? Just like last time on the What’s Your Calling Quiz, this one will be crisp – it’s time to find out some of the darker sides of yourself as a lover.

Note: this may be more applicable for men (but not only!). The next quiz next week will be more applicable for women (but again, not only!)

For this purpose, please answer the question below with the utmost sincerity:

Which of the following would you bring to a romantic date?

  1. A rose
  2. A jewel
  3. A poem
  4. Condoms
  5. A business card

Interpretations:

  1. A rose – you’re a good manipulator; you’re charming, a seducer but sometimes also a heart breaker;
  2. A jewel – you know how to make your date feel valued; you follow your interest, you conquer and you possess;
  3. A poem – you’re an incurable romantic; you impress with your mind, you seek communication, but you might end up in the friend zone often;
  4. Condoms – you like to always be prepared; you’re well anchored in the mundane world; it’s hard for you to choose a partner; you might be busy with your work, or be easily bored with your dates;
  5. A business card – you love with your mind more than with your heart; you believe in the superiority of intellect over feeling; you’re prone to good arrangements, not good romances.

Of course, once aware of some of these things, they can be either sharpened or blunted according to your wishes. For that, you might need to know more. Stay tuned for the next quiz of the series next Thursday, but until then, make sure you keep an eye open for this blog, there are many more goodies to come.

If you’re interested in a whole load of quizzes, check out many more of my quizzes here.

I’d love to hear from you. Please share your thoughts and feelings in a comment and, if you like, especially your chosen answer to this quiz. I’m always happy to read them!

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Quiz 4 – What Kind of Lover are You?

Welcome to Quiz 4 of the Series Quizzes – What Kind of Lover are You? Today’s question is:

Which of the following descriptions do you feel suits you best? Do you feel you are

  1. The Sweetheart
  2. The Provider
  3. The Parental
  4. The Friend
  5. The Lover

Please keep as honest as humanly possible in choosing an answer, since it is absolutely necessary in order to get the right interpretation. Speaking of interpretations, here they are for each choice:

  1. The Sweetheart – You’re emotional and sensitive; you need love declarations and devotion, time and warm embraces; you offer the same, dedicating yourself entirely to your beloved; you’re idealistic and believe in “fantasy” and “perfect,” but this may cost you a good real-life lover; you may be shy or fragile, and many people underestimate how vulnerable you truly are; you’d adore an intuitive lover who can appreciate that about you.
  2. The Provider – You tend to the needs of your beloved, but this says much more about you as a lover than you might expect; you feel your lover’s needs as if in your own flesh, and you’d even die for the one you love; you’re quiet, but your feelings are profound; you’re not exactly exuberant or verbose in the expression of your love, but you won’t spare any effort to make sure your beloved is well taken care of; capable of sacrifice and selflessness, nothing hurts you more than betrayal.
  3. The Parental – You’re protective, but you also secretly think you know things better than your beloved; you can’t help feeling that they’re alone in the world without you, and that you’re the mature one who should steer their decisions; you’re reliable and always there for your beloved, and you’re giving the relationship your heart and soul; you can be demanding and your lover might sometimes feel smothered and even oppressed, or it can be the other way around – your lover may be clingy and immature in your eyes.
  4. The Friend – You place great value on your beloved’s trust; you want them to feel completely safe with you, and you’re able to put up with the darkest secrets in order to achieve that; to you, durability isn’t in the love, but in the respect and intimacy; you desire complete intimacy with your beloved in order to reach the peak of true love; you need to truly know them, and you also need them to know you – not as thoroughly, though; you prefer to keep “safe” by keeping certain things only to yourself.
  5. The Lover – You’re a lot about sensuality and physical intimacy; the sweetness of love-making or consuming passion helps you understand your lover on a deep level; to you, the physical aspect of the relationship is very important because you’re a tactile person who experiences and knows the world through their senses above all else; you can put it this way – you “decode” your surroundings and your lover through your senses; you suffer greatly if you’re denied the physical part of a connection, and don’t completely feel it; to you, the connection cannot survive without physical love.

If you enjoyed this quiz, stay tuned for more of the What kind of Lover are you? Series Quizzes on Thursday.

If you’re interested in a whole load of quizzes, check out many more of my quizzes here.

I’d love to hear from you. Please share your thoughts and feelings in a comment and, if you like, especially your chosen answer to this quiz. I’m always happy to read them!

 

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Substance Abuse in Relationships

That substance abuse harms relationships is an indisputable fact. A lot has been studied and written about it, and since in previous posts we touched on the subject of domineering, possessive, oppressive, consuming and thereby intimidating lovers (in Hades and the Abuser and In Love with the Abuser) substance abuse must be mentioned as the gateway to hell.

It would be a waste of space to write about all the studies and articles and experiments and you-name-it that have been written and conducted on the subject, but a few things must be mentioned in order to understand WHY substance abuse takes such a great toll on relationships. Some of the most important points are:

  1. Drugs/Alcohol consumption deteriorates the brain over time – alcohol and drugs consumption slow down brain activity; the brain of an alcoholic (or of a long-time alcohol/drug consumer) looks very different from the brain of a non-alcoholic/non-consumer; over time the brain as an organ is affected.
  2. Drugs/Alcohol are depressants! – Contrary to what the large public might think (many people turn to alcohol to feel better or to cope with difficulty and therefore use it first as an antidepressant), alcohol/drugs actually plummet you into depression due to the chemical changes they determine in the brain!
  3. The substance we’re addicted to is our greatest love – addicts will go to any lengths to procure their drug, this is also a well-known fact; even cigarette smokers show this trait; leave a smoker without cigarettes in a chalet on top of a mountain, and they’ll walk to the nearest village barefoot to get their drug; addiction affects behaviour and eats at personality.

Substance abuse has such devastating effects on the relationship because:

  1. The substance abuser is depressed, or in the preliminary stages of depression, namely anger and frustration; frustration also appears due to inability to procure the substance, or to cope without it; negative feelings such as these demand an outlet, and it’s only natural that the person most vulnerable to the substance abuser – most often the partner, and in most cases the woman – becomes the outlet.
  2. The substance abuser projects their disdain and hatred for themselves onto the partner (projection is, as we’ll see in following posts, a natural phenomenon in romantic relationships); the substance abuser will motivate their abuse of the partner in many ways, but mostly they will victimize themselves (only natural, since they are indeed victims, but victims of addiction) and find “profound” faults of the partner for their behaviour; the partner falsely interprets this as the deepest possible love (since the abuser is so hurt by these small but “important and deep” things that we do, he must love us very profoundly, like no one else can).
  3. The substance abuser unconsciously looks for someone to blame for their suffering, and will assign this part to the most vulnerable person – again, often the more vulnerable partner; this way the substance abuser becomes an abusive lover who repeatedly and systematically accuses their more vulnerable partner of many things – e.g. of not truly loving them or of cheating – and wakes terrible feelings of guilt in the latter.

The vulnerable partner often has a compelling desire to save the abusive lover from their “demons.” This compelling desire is born either from a deep unconscious sensation of failure of having saved a parent in need (a drunkard broken father or a beaten mother, but these stereotypes can vary), or due to own insecurities which have been caused in our formational years (childhood but also youth), which the abuser knows very well how to soothe in the beginning of the relationship! (Being in touch with their own soul wounds, substance abusers that turn into abusive lovers know very well how to exploit these insecurities and manipulate us through them).

We might be asking ourselves, “Okay, but what is the solution?” In truth? Depends on what you want, but most experts will warn against relationships with substance abusers and will advise us to leave them if we’re already involved. We might need help ourselves to escape the tentacles of such consuming relationships (often addictive in themselves because they emulate the characteristics of the Substance Abuser, the more powerful part of the couple), so fighting to “save” the Substance Abuser from themselves might be too big a mouthful for most of us.

Regarding what YOU can do – you can walk away, which is what most experts recommend, and with good reason; if you DO decide to dedicate your life to saving a Substance Abuser, it is IMPERATIVE that you take professional help on this ride (step by step, not all at a time)– counsellor, support groups, maybe one or two “saved veterans” that can become friends.

I’d truly love to hear from you, about your own life experiences. Have you ever had emotional entanglements with substance abusers? How has that impacted your life and your relationship? Please share your thoughts in a comment, they will be much appreciated.

 

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The 5 Languages of Love – Which One is Yours?

Dr. Gary Chapman is a famous counselor who “coined” the five languages of love that people “speak” and “understand” best. We often need and desire the very thing we offer, which is the very reason we offer it so much – to receive it in return (not counting the cases of narcissism, ego-centrism and some other I daresay “conditions” that hinder genuinely caring about fellow creatures).

These are the 5 languages of love that Dr. Chapman identified and explored:

  1. Speaking – you love compliments and you enjoy hearing “I love you;” you love being told the reasons for which you are loved, details about your lover’s feelings; you offer meaningful words in return, and you speak them from the heart; harsh words and insults hurt you deeply.
  2. Spending Time – you offer and desire full attention; you’re reliable and supportive of your partner when they need you; you make your partner feel significant and special by being there fully, focused exclusively on them; if they miss important moments or don’t spend enough time with you, you’ll feel hurt;
  3. Gifts – it’s not about the gift itself, but about the effort behind the gift – financial or different; you show not only your affection but also your respect by this means; you prefer being shown affection and respect the same way; the more valuable the gift, the more valued you feel – NOTE: this language of love has nothing to do with materialism;
  4. Service – Easing the burdens that weigh on your partner is your best way of expressing your affection; by making their life easier, you manifest your feelings; you’d like to be shown affection the same way; your partner’s laziness may be hurtful for you, because you take it as lack of affection;
  5. Physical Touch – you show not only your love, but a whole palette of feelings by touching; the way you stroke your partner’s cheek conveys a whole range of emotions tied to affection such as care and concern; you value physical presence, and feel most loved when being offered the same; physical distance or coldness can be hurtful to you, as you may interpret it as lack of love.

These languages of love apply not only to lovers, but to all people we feel affection for. What do you think is your language of love? I’d love to read from you.

 

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