Dr. Gary Chapman is a famous counselor who “coined” the five languages of love that people “speak” and “understand” best. We often need and desire the very thing we offer, which is the very reason we offer it so much – to receive it in return (not counting the cases of narcissism, ego-centrism and some other I daresay “conditions” that hinder genuinely caring about fellow creatures).
These are the 5 languages of love that Dr. Chapman identified and explored:
- Speaking – you love compliments and you enjoy hearing “I love you;” you love being told the reasons for which you are loved, details about your lover’s feelings; you offer meaningful words in return, and you speak them from the heart; harsh words and insults hurt you deeply.
- Spending Time – you offer and desire full attention; you’re reliable and supportive of your partner when they need you; you make your partner feel significant and special by being there fully, focused exclusively on them; if they miss important moments or don’t spend enough time with you, you’ll feel hurt;
- Gifts – it’s not about the gift itself, but about the effort behind the gift – financial or different; you show not only your affection but also your respect by this means; you prefer being shown affection and respect the same way; the more valuable the gift, the more valued you feel – NOTE: this language of love has nothing to do with materialism;
- Service – Easing the burdens that weigh on your partner is your best way of expressing your affection; by making their life easier, you manifest your feelings; you’d like to be shown affection the same way; your partner’s laziness may be hurtful for you, because you take it as lack of affection;
- Physical Touch – you show not only your love, but a whole palette of feelings by touching; the way you stroke your partner’s cheek conveys a whole range of emotions tied to affection such as care and concern; you value physical presence, and feel most loved when being offered the same; physical distance or coldness can be hurtful to you, as you may interpret it as lack of love.
These languages of love apply not only to lovers, but to all people we feel affection for. What do you think is your language of love? I’d love to read from you.
10 thoughts on “The 5 Languages of Love – Which One is Yours?”
I’d say #5. followed closely by #2.
It’s fascinating how complex a simple combination like that can be, dear Chris 🙂
As we’ve discovered, I relate most to number 5. I use all of the languages in various degrees and combinations, but the lion’s share goes to 5. A large part of my life passed before I finally realized that not everyone spoke the same language the same way. My senses were highly refined, and my sense of touch was keen. I always tried to give back the pleasure I received from the time well spent exploring each other with touch and physical contact. I was vulnerable to that and worked hard to protect myself from that vulnerability. With the right person, someone I felt a deep connection to, her touch owned my heart and my loyalty, and I did everything I knew to do to make her feel as good as she made me feel. Making love was never an issue, it was holding onto it that was the challenge, and ultimately I realized love was not the tie that binds. It took more than that and in the five languages of love, certainly there can be miscommunication.
Dear muse, this says about you among other things that you appreciate being shown affection this way as well. If we’re not “spoken” to in our “language,” our tanks empty over time and we can’t offer love in return anymore. I’ve read about love being stored in so-called psychological tanks, which need to be refilled – giving back to the person. I’m thinking about this now becasue I observe many examples in which giving back doesn’t happen – at least not in the right “language” -and then all of a sudden a usually loving and understanding person can burst. Hmmm…. Maybe we should talk about this in a post: What happens when the tanks go empty.
I think this is a very good way to explain what happens at least from my perspective. I think a post on the subject would be enlightening. 😃
Speaking, but gifts were a close second. Which sounds funny coming from the quietest girl in the room. 🙂
It’s not funny at all, Sara. You need to be told about your lover’s feelings, it fills you with satisfaction to hear about them in as many ways as possible – it’s the language you need and probably give back best. And it goes very well with your being quiet 🙂
Aw hehe you make a good point, Ana! 🙂 It’s true, I love to give and receive compliments and encouragement. I’ve been told by a couple of guys that I give too many compliments and it throws them off. >,< I'm not giving up, though! haha
Haha, me neither. I make compliments too, never keep back when they’re well-earned.
It’s a good way to be. 🙂