Dr. Gary Chapman is a famous counselor who “coined” the five languages of love that people “speak” and “understand” best. We often need and desire the very thing we offer, which is the very reason we offer it so much – to receive it in return (not counting the cases of narcissism, ego-centrism and some other I daresay “conditions” that hinder genuinely caring about fellow creatures).
These are the 5 languages of love that Dr. Chapman identified and explored:
- Speaking – you love compliments and you enjoy hearing “I love you;” you love being told the reasons for which you are loved, details about your lover’s feelings; you offer meaningful words in return, and you speak them from the heart; harsh words and insults hurt you deeply.
- Spending Time – you offer and desire full attention; you’re reliable and supportive of your partner when they need you; you make your partner feel significant and special by being there fully, focused exclusively on them; if they miss important moments or don’t spend enough time with you, you’ll feel hurt;
- Gifts – it’s not about the gift itself, but about the effort behind the gift – financial or different; you show not only your affection but also your respect by this means; you prefer being shown affection and respect the same way; the more valuable the gift, the more valued you feel – NOTE: this language of love has nothing to do with materialism;
- Service – Easing the burdens that weigh on your partner is your best way of expressing your affection; by making their life easier, you manifest your feelings; you’d like to be shown affection the same way; your partner’s laziness may be hurtful for you, because you take it as lack of affection;
- Physical Touch – you show not only your love, but a whole palette of feelings by touching; the way you stroke your partner’s cheek conveys a whole range of emotions tied to affection such as care and concern; you value physical presence, and feel most loved when being offered the same; physical distance or coldness can be hurtful to you, as you may interpret it as lack of love.
These languages of love apply not only to lovers, but to all people we feel affection for. What do you think is your language of love? I’d love to read from you.