Unholy Intentions – ARC

Hey loves!

Ready to dive into some delicious darkness? Here are the first two chapters of my upcoming dark romance—totally free! Quick heads up: there will be triggers (full list coming in the book), so buckle up! If you’re not a reader of DARK ROMANCE, this is not for you. However, if you do love Dark Romance and you’re not on my ARC team yet but want to be, drop me an email at anacalin@theromancetrove.com. ARCs go out March 20th, and the book hits the Zon March 25th!

Happy reading!

Bookish hugs, Ana

***

Priest

“Cleric Ward, Sir!” the guardians salute as my steps echo through the hallway of the Loveless palace. I nod in response. As their Brother Superior, I’m not required to return the greeting but I always do. Our caste is rarely on the receiving end of courtesy—or in the habit of giving it, for that matter. Small tokens of civility from their superiors are important to the men.

The doors of the Loveless study swing open to receive me. A Cleric is never made to wait, even when we are the ones summoned. It’s a pompous formality, but I never forget what we truly are to The Order: the first to strike and the last to fall in any war unleashed upon them. They honor us not out of reverence, but out of necessity.  

When the grand chair swivels around, revealing Kelly’s face instead of her husband’s, I stop. 

“Oh come on, Priest,” she says in a  husky voice, “at least pretend you’re glad to see me.”

“I wasn’t recruited into The Cleric for my acting skills, Mrs. Loveless.”

She purses her plump red lips. “Mrs. Loveless. I see we’re back to protocol.” She brushes away invisible lint off her red suit jacket. “That’s too bad, Cleric Ward. I rather liked it when we were on a first-name basis.” 

“With all due respect, I’m a very busy man, so get to the point. Why did you summon me?” My voice comes out clipped. I won’t give her another chance to sit me down and climb on my lap. 

“Okay, straight to business then.” She runs a hand through her hair, ruffling the heavy strands of blonde waves casually as if some poor maid didn’t sweat to death styling them this morning. But nothing about Kelly’s flawless appearance is natural, and nothing about her persona is kind or casual, and no one knows it better than her staff. They’re permanently on-edge, their smiles forced and terrified, but it’s not like they can just up and quit whenever they want. The only way anyone has ever left the Loveless family’s employment was in a body bag.

She opens a drawer, and slaps a paper file on the desk’s glossy surface.

“I know The Cleric doesn’t like paper, but this is a delicate matter.” 

“All of The Order’s matters are delicate. And let me remind you The Cleric’s systems can’t be hacked, and we have—”

“You have the biggest tech brains working for you, I know, we all do, but this assignment, well…it’s special.” She flips the file open and turns it around so I can take a look. 

My eyes fall on the picture of a woman—young, maybe in her early twenties, a melancholy in her eyes that slows me down mid-perusal. A quiet, haunting kind of longing glows behind large hazel eyes, and her naturally rosy lips are slightly parted, as if the camera caught her off guard.  

My dick jolts in my pants, and it’s all I can do not to grab it. My back snaps even straighter. 

What the fuck was that?

“Who is she?” I keep my voice straight and my features schooled because I can, but it’s been ages since my cock reacted to a woman, let alone one in a fucking picture. I’ve been guilty of the sin of pride far more than the sin of lust, especially pride in my resilience to the opposite sex, no matter how skilled the temptress. Kelly Loveless is living proof of that. 

“Her name is Hailey Saintpatrick,” she informs me, “and she is your new client. Or, rather, her father is.” She flips to the next page. Another picture. This time, it’s a man—massive, broad-shouldered, and draped in an expensive suit. He sports a thick beard, a scowl, and his nose is bashed in. A former boxer. He’s well past his prime in this photo, but everything else about him screams power—the designer suit, the sprawling mansion in the background, the famous faces surrounding him. 

“Bobby ‘Robster’ Saintpatrick. You’ve probably heard of him.”

“Can’t say I have.” 

“For a world-class fighter, you know impressively little about martial arts,” Kelly bites.

“I know a lot about martial arts. Just not the kinds that make pretty boys famous.”

“Well, I hope you’ll agree with me that Bobby Saintpatrick isn’t a pretty boy. But he is one of the richest men alive.”

I cock an eyebrow. “From his fighting career?”

She scoffs, turning her chair to cross her legs at an angle where I can see them. “We both know that sports where men bloody each other pay well, but not that well.”

“You’d be surprised.” 

“You didn’t make your fortune by beating people up, Priest. You made it by killing them.”

I don’t argue, because she’s not wrong. But she’s not entirely right either. 

Am I a broken motherfucker who loses it at the smell of blood? Yes. But I’m also a master of control. The Forging Fathers wrought me well—every scar on my back proves it.

But I rarely kill. And when I do, it’s never quick. Never painless. And, indeed, never free.

“So, what’s the source of his money?” Not just anyone can get access to the protection of The Order of Guardians, sure as fuck not an entertainment dog, which is what fighting champions are to the rich and powerful. Usually coming from poverty and abuse, these boys start out motivated by fame, respect and, of course, money. The best ones get it. The second best lose themselves to drugs, alcohol, and eventually die in the process. 

But even for the top fighters there’s a glass ceiling. An unbreakable screen guarding a level of wealth and influence that men like them can never reach, even if they’re sold on the illusion that they can. But that world just wasn’t created for them. There’s only one way to breach into it, to make it through the jagged cracks—surviving training so gruesome you lose all humanity and become a useful monster.

Like me.

The Order needs monsters, because only we can protect their thrones.   

Kelly spins the file around and flips through the pages.

“Apparently, Bobby is special for The Order, especially my dear Marius. My guess is, he proved more useful than the others.” She bats her eyelashes up at me. She hopes that I’ll walk around the desk so I can look down into the file over her shoulder, which would allow her to try and run her hand up my leg again, but I’m ten moves ahead of her. I peel the file off the table and turn my back to her, flipping through the pages while facing the window.

My eyes scan quickly, pulling out what matters most.

“So he’s powerful among the other lap dogs. Why doesn’t he protect his daughter himself?” 

“I’m glad you ask.” 

Of course she is. It gives her the perfect excuse to push off her chair and prance over. I don’t even need to look at her reflection in the glass to know how she’s putting one red-pumped foot in front of the other like a viper ready to strike. “You see, daddy’s girl got herself into trouble with people more dangerous than him. With sons of The Order.”

A fucked-up situation if there ever was one.

“Only The Cleric can help him now. Some backstory on the girl: Bobby says Hailey has always been a sweet, obedient little girl, but ever since he divorced her mother, she’s gone rogue. She rebelled against his protection.” She scoffs. “Turns out she took too big a bite of the real world, and now she can’t handle it.”

“Her parents’ divorce.” I pinch the lower corner of the page to turn it back and look at her picture again. “When did it happen?” 

“A few years ago, I guess. But sweet Hailey waited until she turned twenty-one to start wreaking havoc, probably because she couldn’t legally do it before. First thing she did? Created an OhEf account so she could strip for losers jacking off in their basements to make the money her daddy refused to give her.”

Just imagining the doe-eyed girl with the ruffled ringlets fingering herself for the entertainment of multiple men awakens something feral in me, but I push the lid back down on it.

“And why did Bobby cut off the money?”

“She wanted to move out. Not go away to college, of course, but to go intern for some shady anime studio in Asia. He didn’t like that, blamed it on her sick interest in anime and hentai and said he wouldn’t pay for it. She swore revenge, and now she’s dragging his name through the dirt.” 

She runs her finger down my shoulder blade. “The OhEf thing didn’t take only him by surprise, but shocked everyone who knew her. She was painfully shy in high school, never had a boyfriend, no vices, no addictions except her graphic novels.” She chuckles. “If you ask me, I think she got herself off to those. Her generation is seriously fucked-up. They get turned on by fictional characters and hentai porn. Still, nobody would have guessed what simmered behind that sweet-girl mask.”

A current runs straight to my cock at the image of her slipping a hand into her panties, watching hentai porn.

My jaw clenches as I will the bastard to stand down. 

“Bottom line, Bobby had to crack down on her freedom in the end to keep her safe. Otherwise, who knows what she might have done to reach that studio in Asia.” 

“Bobby seems to know a lot of his daughter’s intimate interests. The graphic novels, the hentai. But it doesn’t sound like they have the kind of relationship where she just shares this stuff. So how does he know?”

“From her diary.”

I level a look at her over my shoulder. “He read her diary? What a prick.”

“Cleric!” She playfully smacks my shoulder, feigning shock. 

So far, Hailey Saintpatrick seems like a closed-off young woman with trust issues. A girl who felt so uneasy in the real world that she sought refuge in a fictional one. Someone who probably never felt truly loved. Clumsy with physical affection. Awkward in relationship to her own body.

I wonder if and how she keeps in touch with her mother. 

“I want to see that diary.”

Kelly sighs. “I knew you’d say that, Cleric, but the problem—”

I snap the file shut and spin around so fast that Kelly is forced to step back. 

“The problem is that your client is lying.” I push the file against her chest. “He’s not telling us what really got the girl to start doing stupid shit, so I need the diary.”

Kelly’s eyebrows dip. “It doesn’t matter why she’s doing it. What matters is that she’s been parading herself on an online platform for men, and she got the attention of guys related to The Order. One of those guys has threatened to show up at her house, kill the guards, and rape her. He claims he’s watching her all the time. Her father was forced to amp up security, and the brat still sneaks out every chance she gets.” She wrinkles her nose, a nasty look on her face. “It’s like she wants it to happen.” 

I look down at her with disgust, and she folds her arms over her chest in defense, the file dangling between her fingers. 

“Clearly, the girl isn’t scared enough to stop what she’s doing,” she says in an attempt to not look like a piece of shit. “Maybe she’s just being bratty, but she gives her father enough trouble to ask for The Order’s help, and squander his favors. Plus, if the stalker is an Order son, he can’t do anything against him, or there would be a bloodbath. Which is why you need to handle the situation delicately, even when you know who it is. An Order son would outrank you, so you can’t just do what you do best—kill him. You simply report back to the Loveless Palace.”

The reason doesn’t need explaining. If the stalker turns out to be an Order son, The Cleric can’t finish him without consequences, since The Cleric is basically The Order’s army. Only the Triumvirate can, based at the Loveless Palace. The question is—why the trouble for the daughter of a celebrity? In the world of the super-powerful, she’s less than inconsequential. 

“We already have a pool of suspects,” Kelly continues, heading back to her desk. “Boys who’ve been spreading her videos around, editing them. They even engineered porn using advanced AI—she never did more than finger herself for her clients’ entertainment, but the boys are predators. They use high-quality techniques to make it look very real.” She shakes her head like she’s sorry for the girl, which looks ridiculous because she’s not fooling anyone. Kelly isn’t capable of sympathy.

“Then how do we know those videos aren’t real?” My jaw tightens. What the fuck was the girl thinking, exposing herself like that?

Kelly shrugs. “Because we know for a fact she’s a virgin. Bobby brought a doctor in after the videos came out. It took some effort to persuade the brat, but she went through the check-up after all.”

“He had her checked against her will?”

“Can you blame him?”

“I’m not sure. That’s why I need her diary.” 

Kelly gives me a smile that doesn’t quite fit her face.

“If you can get it out of Bobby’s safe, it’s all yours. Just keep in mind that your sole mission is to discover the stalker’s identity. Keep the girl safe, but don’t move against him. Also, don’t protect anyone but her.” She holds up a perfectly manicured finger for the next important bit. “Your protection shouldn’t even extend to other members of the household. Her father isn’t paying, so he’s getting the bare minimum.”

I nod and turn on my heel to leave. No need to stick around a second longer than necessary. 

“Cleric,” Kelly stops me. “The file. In case you want to study it in more detail.” She prances over and offers it to me. I look down, wondering why I’m hesitating. I already know I don’t need it. All the relevant information is already locked in my head, and there’s only one place I can get truly valuable data.

Hailey Saintpatrick’s diary. 

And yet here I am, reaching out and grabbing the manila folder containing the first picture of her I ever saw before I walk out, the heavy palatial doors grinding shut behind me.  

***

Hailey

The quarterback has been drunkenly nibbling at my ear for ten minutes. I would have pushed him off by now if not for the dirty stuff he’s whispering. I like that shit. But the whole club is spinning, and when I-Forget-His-Name squeezes me against him, all those cocktails threaten to come back up. I’m this close to throwing up all over his expensive shirt, but then he grabs my hair, tugs my head back, and shoves his tongue into my mouth.

He’s a big, fleshy guy, and I usually like them that way. There’s a sense of comfort in a generous layer of fat over muscle, even though I know the snugness that comes with it is an illusion. I-Forget-His-Name is as much a bully as his friends, who are probably filming this right now. 

I know because this isn’t the first time I’ve snuck out of Bobby’s gilded cage to make out with a guy at a club. But Daddy Dearest’s people always track me down before I can go all the way. I had hopes tonight I might outpace them.

If What’s-His-Name were sober, maybe he’d see the deed through. I’d sure as hell let him. It’s not like I dream about love stories straight out of Hallmark movies anyway. No, I fantasize about getting jizz all over my tits like a hentai slave, eyes welling up from the thickness of a dick. Something no one was ever supposed to know, just as they weren’t supposed to see the drawings I’ve made of such things.

But Bobby found them. Hunted my secrets down on purpose.  

He took those secrets, violated them out of me.

My coping mechanism was starting this shirtstorm. 

No. If I’m honest, the shirtstorm started the day Irma met him.  

I was only two years old when Mom turned from a rock band groupie into the wife of a boxing star and got her very own American Dream. I can still see her in my mind, spinning happily among falling confetti with a flute of the most expensive champagne in her hand.

Too bad it didn’t last, just as her trysts with famous crackheads didn’t last. I still wonder which one of those eccentric bastards sired me. I’ll probably never stop longing to know, but I guess it’s better to let sleeping dogs lie. 

Except that dog Bobby isn’t sleeping.

It took Irma ten years to understand what kind of man he really was.  She might have noticed sooner, but she spent those years so high on status and fame that she didn’t see when his declarations of passion turned into abusive insults. 

But I remember being ten when I first saw the bruises just above her collarbone. I also remember the first time he looked at me differently. I kept my head down for years, hoping it would go away. I tried to cling to childhood for much longer than I actually was a child in the hopes that he’d become the Bobby I knew when I’d been little. 

I mourned that Bobby. 

But he never came back. 

Instead, during a family photoshoot, his hand slipped lower, down to the small of my back, the tips of his fingers grazing my ass.

The smile froze on my face, turning into the grin of a little shark. I knew that I had to act. Shit was getting serious.

So I told Mom. She listened to me patiently, the ever-present glass of champagne in her hand. She had this direct, unwavering stare that made me feel seen, so I started crying, spilling everything, telling her that I knew he was going to do far worse to me than just put his hands where they didn’t belong. I thought that her silence was focus, which is why I kept talking like a floodgate had burst, until she struck me across the face. 

“You lying little bitch.”

I’ll never forget those words.

They echo in my head right now, probably because that’s what I-Forget-His-Name is calling me. Little bitch, while he keeps sloppily nibbling at my earlobe. 

You should have him lap at your clit while he’s still halfway capable of doing it, Hentai Hellcat, my online alter-ego, whispers in my head, her face drifting from the shadows. 

“Hoo ‘bout we take dis to da back of my car?” he stammers. 

I blink against the club lights, squinting to make out his face. I don’t have much time until Bobby’s goons find me, and I might not be able to get out again next week. This could be my last chance. I could spread my legs on the hood of his car and let him do me right there in the parking lot. No doubt his friends will be filming it, but who gives a fuck at this point. Just thinking about how it’ll damage Bobby, how the tabloids will drag him through the dirt, gives me a thrill.

I nod, giving the quarterback the green light.  

He pulls away enough to loop an arm around my lower back, and I rest my hand on his shoulder to keep myself steady. I must resemble a ragdoll hanging on a drunk bull, which is exactly what he looks like with those Thor horns on top of his head. He’s a big guy, and I’m on the small side, even though I’m told that I look taller in pictures because I’m borderline skinny.

Another side effect of Bobby’s comments about how he liked my developing curves back in high school. It killed my appetite, but that didn’t stop my tits from growing and my ass from rounding out, drawing more and more of his attention. All of it culminating a few months ago. In his office, with my diary and his punishment.

That’s when it hit me—I needed more attention. More eyes on me meant more eyes on him, too. I hated the spotlight, but the more people were looking, the less free Bobby would be to do whatever the hell he wanted.

But he kept me locked in.

So I went online. 

Things spiraled fast. But at least Bobby won’t dare lay a hand on me now, not with so many eyes fixed on my channel. On us. On our family.

I don’t wear a mask as Hentai Hellcat. She’s my alter ego, but everyone knows it’s me.

“Thank you for helping the young lady,” a male voice says, close enough to slice through the music. Deep and calm and absolute. “I’ll be taking over from here.”

I raise my head, slowly.

My eyes move from a pair of polished black shoes, up powerful legs clad in crisp black slacks, past the sharp lines of a fitted jacket stretched over broad shoulders. I can’t make out his face—not with the club lights casting a halo behind him, swallowing his features in shadow.

All I know is that he exudes an air of unquestionable authority. The kind that makes you straighten your back before you even realize you’ve done it.

“Back off, Father,” the quarterback grunts.

Father?

The quarterback pushes forward like a bull, but the man doesn’t even brace himself. He simply tilts his shoulder out of the way, letting gravity do the rest. The bastard grabs my shirt as he goes down, dragging me with him. But before I hit the floor, a strong arm catches me around the waist, and I-Forget-His-Name ends up a heap of limbs on the ground, all by himself.

“What the fuck,” he grunts, scrambling to get back on his feet and failing like he’s trying to stand on ice. 

I burst into laughter, which earns me a mean glare, his eyes gleaming in the club lights. His face screams, I’ll get you for this, bitch, but I guess I’m too drunk to care. Dizziness still clouds my head, but miraculously, the nausea is gone. Maybe it was his smell. He’d smelled of cologne when the night started, but then the sweat set in, and the stench of onions and damp clothes took over.

Very much unlike the man whose arm is now wrapped around me, keeping me close against a body that feels more like a wall of carved stone than flesh. His scent tugs at something. A feeling. A memory, maybe. Autumn leaves and pumpkin spice, the kind of nights where you curl up with a book about dangerous men and the secrets they keep.

I look up, finally bringing his face into focus, and—

You gotta be shitting me.

Why the hell did Fuckface call this guy Father?

There’s no universe in which a man like this would go down that path, not of his own free will. His cheekbones and jaw look sculpted from smooth granite, and his eyes remind me of a lynx. Cunning, dangerous. The kind of gaze that can drill down to a girl’s dirtiest secrets, leaving her nowhere to hide. Then my eyes drop down his neck, and it hits me like a slap—the Roman collar. 

He is a priest.

Well, fuck me. Bobby managed to bring the Iron Cleric into this.

“Listen, Father,” the quarterback spits, finally dragging himself to his feet, dusting off his pride along with his shirt. “I’m sure you’re trying to do the right thing, but you’re inconveniencing the wrong guy here.”

The priest doesn’t blink.

“Always am.”

“Okay, I see what’s going on. Listen, she doesn’t need saving, okay? This lamb ain’t lost. She’s here because she wants to be, and she knows exactly what goes where.” He turns a leering grin at me, and suddenly his teeth look slimy. He reaches for me, but the priest steps into his way. 

The air thickens as my date rolls his shoulders, squaring up.

“Listen, I have respect for clergymen, okay? So back off, and nobody gets hurt.” 

The priest doesn’t reply, which the quarterback takes as permission to make a grab at me again. 

A sharp crack splits the air. In a blink, a leather cord spirals around his wrist, tightening fast.

My mouth pops open, but no sound comes out.

“Marsh!” Some dude calls and then barrels toward us, knocking people aside, his face twisted in rage.

Adrenaline spikes, the last of my drunkenness vanishing.

I see him coming like a furious little goblin, but the priest doesn’t budge. He just waits.

A split second before impact, the priest’s palm snaps forward, and the guy’s nose cracks on contact. His head whips back, his legs skidding out from under him as his bulk crumples to the floor.

Marsh, right, that’s the quarterback’s name.

Marshall Morla. I guess I’ll keep forgetting it.

The priest yanks his whip and the quarterback goes down hard, his body hitting the floor with a sickening thud. He skids past our feet, limbs sprawled, coming to rest beside his friend.

I think the music stopped, even though I can’t tell for sure because my ears are buzzing. No one is dancing anymore, or drinking, or breathing, for that matter. A shirtless guy stares, his mouth hanging open, beer tilting in his hand and pouring onto the floor, but he doesn’t seem to notice. The DJ is frozen at his platform, one hand on his headphones, the other hovering over the buttons. Every single person in this club is holding their breath as an army of bodyguards marches our way.

I inch closer to the man with the whip, because for some stupid, instinctual reason, it feels like the safest place to be. After all, he just took down two guys in seconds, piling them onto the floor with nothing but a whip and the palm of his hand.

Men in black approach us with a scowl, but the moment their eyes land on his uniform, they hesitate. I track their gaze, following the slow drag of their eyes over: Black shirt. Black pants. Roman collar. All of it sculpted to a frame built like a god. Licking my lips, I notice the ridges lining the sides of his uniform, right at his ribs, like the gills of a shark. A mark of rank.

“Cleric Ward.” The bodyguard leading the quad salutes, then drops his head. “I’m sorry, Sir. I didn’t realize this was a clerical intervention.”

“It’s fine,” the priest says calmly. “You were just doing your job.”

“What the fuck do you think you’re doing, Ruiz?” Marsh spits out as he hauls himself off the floor, glaring at the head of the bodyguards. “You’re gonna kick this bastard in the teeth right fucking now if you want to keep your fucking job.”

“I don’t think I will, Mr. Morla,” Ruiz replies like someone who’s used to the quarterback’s tantrums, and he isn’t impressed. At least not when he has to choose between him and the man next to me.

“I’ll fucking fire you,” Marsh screams, stomping his foot, his cheeks reddening.

“Mr. Morla, this is Priest Ward,” Ruiz explains, holding it together like a pro. “Iron Cleric, first class, and Brother Superior of the warrior caste.”   

The titles strike me, as does the reverence with which Ruiz lists them. But why is a pedigree fighter of The Order here to save me from my own choices?

Come to think of it, couldn’t be thanks to Bobby. He isn’t a member of The Order. He’s a servant, like many other celebrities, a satellite, kissing ass in exchange for influence and privilege, and he’s not powerful enough to employ a Cleric of this caliber. Especially since, from what I know, The Cleric outranks him in The Order’s eyes.

Which is probably why Marsh suddenly goes dead quiet. His dad isn’t part of The Order either. The blood leaves his face as he understands that his bodyguards can’t protect him from the man with the whip. 

“I’m afraid there’s nothing I can do for you here, Mr. Morla,” Ruiz concludes, signaling his men to step back. 

The priest’s hand wraps around my arm gently. It’s so large that his fingers encircle it completely. 

“You’re coming with me,” he states with unfathomable calm.

“Let me go,” I push the words through clenched teeth, clinging to the last shreds of dignity. Simply submitting would give him a free pass to walk all over me, and for some reason, I can’t bear for him to think so little of me.

Especially since he probably already does.

“You are under my protection, effective immediately,” he states. Then lower, darker, “Which means you’ll do what I say.”

I try to break away again, only to be met with unbreakable resistance. 

“You’re gonna have to drag me out of here,” I hiss, refusing to make things easy for him.  

“Fine then.” He makes to scoop me up off the floor and probably throw me over his shoulder caveman style, but Rowan “Monster” Sheffield steps in.  

And this is how you know who is part of The Order. They’d have the guts to take on a first-class Cleric. 

“Isn’t that a bit of an overreach, Cleric Ward?” 

My lips twitch, unable to hide my disgust. The reasons wouldn’t be obvious to just anyone. 

Rowan isn’t like Marsh. He’s a real wolf in sheep’s clothing. With his nice tan, taut body and surfer-blonde hair, it’s safe to say he’s spoiled for choice. Sighs and giggles ensue every time he offers girls his famous smirk, and when he throws off his shirt at parties, all of them go wild. 

But there’s another side to Rowan Sheffield, the one for which they call him ‘the Monster’. A part you only get to see in closed circles like his private parties or the exclusive booth he keeps here at Parada. I got “lucky” one night because I’d been making out with a guy from his inner circle, and we were admitted to “enjoy” the show. I stormed out after half an hour, doubled over, throwing up my guts. Rowan puts on a good face for society, but he doesn’t belong in it. He belongs in a maximum-security prison. 

Rowan’s glassy blue eyes narrow into slits as he strolls closer to us, crossing his arms over his barrel chest, looking even more pumped. 

“Remove yourself from our way, Mr. Sheffield,” the priest says evenly.

Rowan raises an eyebrow.

“I’ll remind you, I’m the one giving the orders around here, Cleric.”

Club lights glide over the granite angles of the priest’s face, catching the lynx-like glint of gold in his eyes. A sharp prickle of fear skitters up my spine as Rowan glances at me—just for a heartbeat—before snapping his attention back to the priest.

“Whatever orders you have concerning this woman, mine supersede them. Her father isn’t part of the Order. Mine is. I am.” He juts out his square chin. “And as an Order son, I command you to return this woman to the man who had her first.”

Indignation boils in my gut. I didn’t think I could despise Rowan Sheffield more than I already do, but here we are. 

“This woman doesn’t want to go back to the man who first had her, and guess what? She won’t.” My voice rings in my ears, echoing for a full minute in which Rowan stares at me like he can’t believe I even dared to address him directly.

I look to the priest, adrenaline pounding through my veins. Is the priest an asshole for dragging me along without my consent? He sure as fuck is. But I’d take him over this other asshole anytime. 

“I’m going to ask you one last time, Mr. Sheffield.” The priest doesn’t move, his jaw sharp as a blade. “Remove yourself from my path.”

He looks positively ready to knock Rowan aside like he did the others, but that can’t be right. He can’t go against a member of The Order. Can he?

“Are you fucking kidding me?” Rowan launches himself forward, and jams his finger into the priest’s chest. “You. Work. For. Me. You do what I say. And I say you’re not leaving this place with this woman, or I’ll kick you in your fucking face while your hands are tied behind your back.”

“My orders don’t come from her father,” the priest replies, danger lurking in his voice like a shark in shallow waters. “They come from the Loveless Palace.”

Whatever that means, it gives Rowan pause. My eyes keep darting from one to the other as I try to make sense of this. What the hell is the Loveless Palace, and what does it have to do with me?

Rowan takes a step back, looking like a balloon about to explode. His mouth won’t say it, but his eyes glint with rage. If it weren’t for the mention of the Loveless Palace, he’d act on it in a split second. 

“I’ll let this one slide, Cleric, because—” He looks me over like he wants to spit on my face and then fuck it, sending the nastiest chill through me. “Because the stakes aren’t high enough, not for this little cunt. But this isn’t fucking over. I’ll look into your orders, and I’ll have them revoked. And when that happens, you’ll deliver her to me on all fours, with a leash around her neck.” His voice drips venom, and it’s not rocket science why—Cleric Ward made him look bad in front of everybody. 

Rowan moves his bulk out of the way, but his eyes are a declaration of war. 

This isn’t about me anymore. It’s personal.

***

Want to keep reading? Write to me at anacalin@theromancetrove.com and let’s get you on my ARC team! If you qualify, you get the e-book ahead of release in your inbox, and maybe the book gets a review after its release 🙂

Unholy Intentions – The Breath of Darkness

Sneak Peek!

Here’s another exclusive look at Unholy Intentions, the fifth dark romance novel in the “Ruthless Alphas” series coming this March!

When a quiet night turns chilling, Hailey Saintpatrick realizes the shadows outside her window aren’t just in her head. Is it her stalker… or something even more dangerous?

Read on for a taste of the tension, obsession, and forbidden desire to come.

***

Hailey

“See, your fur feels so good when you’re freshly washed,” I comfort Duckling as I wrap her in a fluffy towel. She hates bathing, and fights like a valkyrie every time I dip her paws into water. She gave me a few nasty scratches this time, but ended up purring and making biscuits into the soft fabric of the towel.

 I smile down at her as I stroke her under the chin with my fingers.

“You’re so pretty,” I giggle. “Look how pretty you are.”

To think that, when I found her, she was so small that I could hold her in the palm of my hand. I found her starving and meowing for her life in a bush, so skinny and dirty she reminded me of the Ugly Duckling. Two months later, she’s grown into a splendid ball of snow-white fur. She’s a real sweetheart when she’s not sowing terror among the population of mice on the mansion grounds. And she’s got superpowers, too. She fills me with joy no matter how shitty my day was, especially when her eyes fall shut and her little tongue pushes out between her teeth before she falls asleep. 

I place her on the bed, on her pillow next to mine. No point even trying to put her in the little basket I bought for a small fortune at Dior. She’ll be tangled in my hair in the morning anyway. I don’t buy any designer shoes, bags or clothes for myself, except for the special occasions when I have to make an appearance on red carpets on the arm of my “loving dad”, but I’m never stingy when it comes to Duckling. So, next I put her into a pretty little vest I saw at Boss. I don’t care about Bobby’s money, but spending on Duckling does feel good. Meaningful. 

I’m just about to lie down next to her, when a breeze shoves the window open, flaring the curtains. I hurry over to push it shut, but then I spot movement out in the bushes. I stop mid-motion. 

The breeze travels through the room like the breath of an evil spirit. Icy fingers crawl up my spine, urging me to close the window and retreat to the bed, gathering Duckling in my arms, my eyes fixed on the spot where I saw him.

It only lasted a second, but I know what I saw. 

He’s out there, right outside my window. The stalker, finally taking shape in my reality. Watching, waiting, ready to make a move.  

Okay, I just need to breathe, to calm down. There’s no way he can get inside with Bobby’s guards patrolling outside the house. They’re professionals, the best that money can buy. Not to mention there’s Priest. 

Fire shoots through my heart.

Priest Ward. 

A First-Class Cleric. Maybe it’s him out there, and I’m just making myself crazy. Could it be him? Maybe checking the perimeter? I think it was his shape that I saw in the dark and—

Duckling taps her paw, making me realize I’m holding her too tightly.

“How can you be so calm?” I whisper in the dark, loosening my grip. “Shouldn’t you be able to sense danger? Oh wait…that’s dogs. You guys thrive on negative energy.” My chest relaxes a little. 

Maybe I’ve just imagined things. Maybe—

Something glimmers right outside the window, like moonlight reflecting off water. But it couldn’t be. This wing of the mansion is tucked out back, like the ugly spinster sister of a grand chateau, with no fancy surfaces to attract attention. It’s practically surrounded by wilderness, keeping this place a secret from the world. 

It glimmers again, closer now through the flimsy fabric of the curtains. I throw the duvet aside, dreading to approach the window but needing to close the shutters. My hand trembles as I reach for the shutters, slowly, as if weary of a wild animal hiding in the bushes.

Suddenly, a huge shadow blots out the light. I scream, only now realizing Duckling followed me to the window, when I feel her tangling between my feet. I stumble over her and the room tilts, my head bumping into something that cracks behind me. With my next breath, the world goes dark.

***

Stay tuned for more coming soon!

Want to read something from Priest’s POV? Check out the last chapter, Forgive Me Father.

Dirty Arrangement – First Chapter and Meet ‘Cute’

WARNING. This is a Dark Romance. It may include trope-specific triggers such as but not limited to: mention of abuse, indecent proposal, forced proximity by the hero. Recommended only if you are familiar and comfortable with Dark Romance.

Blurb:

Sirenna

Zayne Thorngren isn’t Lucifer. He’s the whole damn hell. Violence incarnate.

I should stay a million miles away from him but, with the city mafia out to get me, the controversial billionaire is the only one who can protect me.

So, I have no choice but to accept the dirty arrangement he offers. 

An affair that Zayne has full control of, while I’m caught in his web of dark desires.

But the more of my problems he solves, the more I realize he’s not going to let me go. Like, ever. His passion is a prison that I’m not sure I want to escape.

Still, there’s one thing more powerful than Zayne’s possession. His secret, hidden in a past that’s coming to tear us apart. A secret that should send me running away in horror. And yet…  

Zayne

I’m this city’s golden boy, a celebrated pharma lord.

Some call me the real-life Lex Luthor, while others say I’m my very own brand of vicious. 

A member of The Order with no weaknesses. No soft spots. No addictions. 

Except for watching Sirenna Carter.

Imagining dirty, nasty scenarios with her.

So when she comes asking for protection from the city mafia, I demand payment right there, on the couch in my office. It should still my lust and get her out of my system, right?

Wrong.

Because now I’m obsessed. 

Possessed by a need that’s out of this f*cking world.

I will destroy her enemies and put the world at her feet, but can I protect her from the monster lurking beneath my skin? And when my secret starts creeping out from the shadows of my past, will this twisted love be enough to save us? 

***

CHAPTER I

Sirenna

“This is bullshit.” 

I throw myself onto the pillow, my phone landing on the bed next to me, showing death threat number fuckteen. A sound rips through the room before a stark light lands on my face, forcing me to slap a hand over my eyes. My groan morphs into a very unladylike, hung-over cough.

“Rise and shine, princess,” a familiar voice chirps. Fuck me, it’s too early to deal with her.

Mia Rogers–soon to be Lady Santori–is the only person I know who manages to sound accommodating and commanding at the same time. She’s a hustler used to getting her way, but at the same time, she’s charming, and pleasant. Me? I’ve been called a stuck-up bitch more often than by my own name. 

“Damn it, close those motherfuckers, will you?” 

“Like hell I will.” The bed jerks when she drops onto the mattress. I don’t need to look at Mia to know her eyes are running over the empty champagne bottles lying around the hotel room. “I understand that you need time to heal after everything that happened, but you seem to be growing comfortable in your misery. Let me remind you that you can’t afford that. With Joseph missing, you’ve got a whole freaking empire to run, not just this hotel.”

“Not now, Mia, I’ve got a mean hangover.”

“Yeah, you’ve been having a lot of those lately. You need to snap out of it.” She props herself on her elbow next to me, so close now that I can smell her expensive perfume.

“Come on, Sirenna, you’re stronger than this.”

My phone buzzes, and the display lights up. 

I don’t even bother to pick it up. Let Mia do it. See for herself why I’m not leaving this hotel for the next couple of decades. A sigh leaves her lips. You know what, let’s take this up a notch. I unlock the device for her and let her read the texts that came before it. 

“So, shall I order room service?” I taunt as she reads. “You can listen to the voice messages while you enjoy a hearty breakfast. We have excellent croissants here.”

“I…wow,” she mutters, still scrolling, her eyebrows arched up. If those texts are enough to render the tough journalist Mia Rogers speechless, imagine what they’d do to the average person. 

I drag myself out of bed, wrapping the discarded bathrobe around me–not because I need it, since I’m going to step into the shower right away, but because I don’t want Mia asking questions that make me feel more like shit than I already do. I slept in the same tiny red dress I wore last night to the hotel bar, which dress is now crumpled, and my pantyhose are ripped. I wonder how that came to be since I didn’t eventually hook up with anybody. 

I intended to. But no matter how drunk I got, I just couldn’t do it. 

I squint at myself in the vanity mirror, brushing my matted hair away from my face. My eyes are swollen, my make-up smeared around them, my face puffier than usual. I look over at Mia’s reflection. She’s flawless with her shiny black hair pulled into that stylish do, her skin perfectly tan, her eyeshadow making her intelligent blue eyes pop. I used to look as dignified as her once. A lifetime ago, it seems.

Mia tries to hide it, but she’s worried as fuck. Those messages are going to haunt her for a while, too. 

“I don’t know if you’ve seen it, but there’s a shitstorm on Twitter, too,” she announces. “I mean X.”

I let out a hoarse laugh that is devoid of any amusement. “Yeah, the X is all about my ex lately, it would seem.”

“Very funny. The media is all over issues when there’s room for speculation.”

“Are you, too?”

“Of course.” She gives me a slight grin. “You wouldn’t expect any less of me, would you?”

“Of course not. And, what have we got so far?” I throw over my shoulder as I head into the bathroom. I make quick work of getting rid of the dress and the pantyhose before Mia appears behind me and leans against the doorframe.

“It seems Joseph disappeared right after the big party at The Rite,” she says. “From my investigation, you were the last person who saw him that night. I made sure no one involved the police, just like you asked.”

“Thank you. As for being the last person who saw him, I was surrounded by a bunch of guys that Joseph wanted to have gang-bang me that night. Whatever I saw, they did, too,” I reply as I step into the shower. A cold spray comes down, battering my face and back. It makes me gasp sharply, chasing away the memories of that night. Every time I remember, they claw at me like hungry shadows. 

Mia keeps talking, but I can’t hear her over the rush of water until the temperature adjusts, the warmth soothing away the goosebumps.

“Declan talked to all of the guys that were around you that night.” Her tone changes, growing softer. More careful as she walks closer to the shower, rivulets trickling over her face through the glass pane. “Busy as they were with you, they lost track of Joseph.”

I swallow against the bitterness coating my palate. “Could Declan even identify all of them? Most were wearing masks.” But not Joseph or I. He enjoyed letting those guys grind into me, knowing full well who they were debasing. “If you and Declan hadn’t taken over the show, arresting everyone’s attention, he would have let those bastards rape me, and I wouldn’t even know who they were.”

“You can’t go down that rabbit hole, Sirenna,” Mia murmurs, now peeking around the pane of glass between us. “Joseph is one of the most disgusting bastards I know. What he did had nothing to do with you, and everything to do with him. He was punishing you for getting dirt on him and leaking it to the press.”

“He was my husband for five years,” I reply, my fingers curling into the tiles. “You don’t do those kinds of things to people who once meant something to you.” Despite the hot water and the heat steaming the glass pane, I start to shiver. 

“I understand that these things hurt even if we’re braced for them to happen,” she argues carefully. “I, of all people, know that. But you need to steel yourself, because now that Joseph is gone, all of his businesses, including his enemies, are your problem.” She pauses, surely thinking about the texts on my phone. “Especially the enemies.”

“That bastard, he knew what he was getting me into.” All my muscles flex painfully as I watch the water flow towards the drain between my feet. “It’s probably why he did it. He knew that he could no longer stop the shitstorm that was coming at him. He was going down, and there was nothing he could do about it. So he fled and left me to get ripped to pieces in his place.” I laugh, the sound hoarse and bitter. “I can’t think of a better strategy to destroy someone.”

“He might well be dead, Sirenna.”

I scoff. “Oh, he’s not dead. We would have found a body. The kind of people that he deals with, if they wanted him killed, they would have made a show of it. Set an example. They would have butchered him and scattered his remains all over the city–the way they made it clear they would do with me.” And that wasn’t even the worst threat.

“Many want to take over his empire,” Mia says, making herself comfortable on the closed toilet seat as I wash my hair and my body. “He’s a Triad member. One of the links that connects the underworld with the world of top finance. Access to his banks is worth this city’s weight in gold.”

I scrub myself faster, the new reality firing up my nerves. By the time I step out of the shower, I’m on full alert, an anxiety attack looming.

“This is bullshit, Mia. I’ve been saying it since this morning, and it seems I’m gonna be saying it for a long time from now on.”

She doesn’t argue with me. She knows this is dark shit, and she’s fully aware it can swallow me whole. I see it on her face when I wipe the steam off the mirror. It gives me the chills, seeing the fierce Mia Rogers so worried.

“You should come stay with Declan and me for a while,” she says when I’m done blow-drying my hair, and we can finally hear each other again. 

I stare at myself in the mirror, seeking the powerful, effervescent woman I used to be. But the face staring back at me is only vaguely familiar. That woman and this version of me share the same straight nose and uptilted dark eyes, but the intensity those eyes used to have is muted. I never had a plump mouth, my features are rather pinched and severe, but my lips look even thinner now, and my face is almost gaunt.

“That wouldn’t be fair to you and Declan,” I say quietly, resting my hands on the sides of the sink. “You’re preparing for a wedding, you don’t need this kind of heat.”

“I’m sure Declan–”

“I’m sure he would, too,” I cut her off, “because there’s nothing he wouldn’t do to please you. But he could spare the trouble. Trying to protect me would mean facing a war.”

“Sirenna, my future husband is one of the most powerful men in the world,” she reminds me kindly.

“So is Joseph. Keeping me safe will be hell with the city’s nastiest overlords trying to get me. Declan can’t protect me forever, and you know what?” I square my shoulders. I may be a broken woman with a drinking problem, but I’ll be damned if I’ll let these assholes tear me down. “I spent a lot of time trying to bring down Joseph Carter for the nasty shit he was involved in. I failed. But now? I’ve never been in a better position to take down half of this city’s evil rats. I could actually achieve something meaningful here.” My eyebrows dip in the mirror as I inch closer to a tough decision. “Right now, I don’t need a protector. I need an ally.”

Mia’s eyebrows rise slowly. “And you don’t think Declan and Jax would come in handy as allies?”

“This isn’t their fight, Mia. Jax kicks ass on the stock market, Declan runs diamond mines. They have nothing to do with the drugs and pharma mob that Joseph got himself involved with. It would be like having an oil sheik fight a social media mogul. No, I need someone who shares the same fight. Someone who has a personal stake in it.” 

Mia walks behind me, running her hands through my now dry, silky platinum hair. 

“Before you do anything about those guys, we need to find out what happened to Joseph,” she says.

“We don’t have the time to investigate that. Those assholes out there would get in the way. I’m a direct rival to them now, an unprotected one with open flanks. I’d be surprised if I made it to the next street corner without a kidnapping attempt.” I glance out the bathroom door toward the window. The outside world will never be safe for me again unless I do something about it.

“There’s only one person who can help me now.” I release a long, shaky breath, a name on the tip of my tongue. The name that sent icy shudders down Joseph’s spine every time he heard it. “Zayne Thorngren.”

A void sucks away the air when I release it out into the space between Mia and me.

“Zayne Thorngren?” she repeats, her voice quiet. “You mean the Lex Luthor of the real world?” 

“Yes. The Lex Luthor of the real world.” 

“Sirenna, Zayne Thorngren has been Joseph’s greatest enemy for years.”

“My point exactly.” 

Mia places herself in front of me, hands on her hips.

“I’m sorry, but I don’t follow your logic. If anyone is going to take you down on sight, it would be Thorngren. Shouldn’t he be at the top of your list of people to stay away from?”

“He is. Which is why I’m going to see him.” I step by Mia, walking back into the hotel room. I open the wardrobe, my eyes running over the few things I managed to have brought here after The Rite. Not much I can choose from, though. I traded the sharp suits for slutty clothes to hook up with random guys at the hotel bar, but I ended up relying on booze alone to escape reality. 

“I’m gonna need something powerful but sexy.”

“Why would you wear something sexy when you’re going to meet an enemy?” 

“Because Zayne Thorngren is a nerd, probably autistic, who freezes in front of pussy.”

“How do you know? You’ve never met the guy.”

“No, because he’s very private, which only confirms my theory. He’s respected at MIT like a scientific Jesus, so he’s definitely a super brain. Private, secluded, hence socially awkward.” I cock my head to the side as I calculate, my hands still on the open wardrobe doors. “He was at war with Joseph over who gets to control the drugs on the streets, so it’s safe to conclude he’s an evil genius with the balls to get into virtual fist-fights with thugs. He’s also got businesses in the underground that would give Machiavelli a run for his money.”

“Yeah, we were together when we stumbled over some of this stuff,” she murmurs. A tremor runs down my spine, and if Mia’s tone is any indication, she’s feeling the same.

“And you think you can manipulate a guy like that?” she continues. “I mean, awkward nerd or not, it sure won’t be the first time some chick has pulled the sexy trick on him.”

“I don’t expect he’s easy to manipulate. You don’t become the head of the entire pharma industry, with the most powerful lobbyists working in your favor at the White House, if you are. But maybe he can get a little intimidated. I could try to make him feel like he’s sixteen again, a pimpled boy masturbating under the sheets to the cover of Playboy. Context matters.” 

Mia steps next to me, and I drop a hand to let her inspect my wardrobe. 

“Red?” she chirps.

“No, not red. That’s your color, and I always looked better in black.” My eyes narrow as I put together an outfit in my head. “Maybe a leather jacket and black lace pumps. A tiny cream satin dress underneath.” Problem is, I have none of that in my wardrobe.

“Mhm, bold. It’ll look both badass sexy and classy with your hair down and maybe some dark red lipstick. The question is, how do we get to him?”

I shake my head. “Not we. Me. I get to him.”

“But–”

“No buts, Mia. Declan will never forgive me if I get you involved with that kind of thug. I’m gonna have to do this alone.”

“Let me at least give you cover.” She gestures toward the window. “Half the city gangsters are after you and–”

“I’ll be careful about how I leave the hotel. Besides, even if I do get caught, nobody’s gonna kill me, not yet. They need me alive to sign things off or to otherwise use me. I would be facing a mafia capo or two before anyone puts a bullet in my head.” I tap my chin with my index finger as the wheels turn in my head. “I would rather not get kidnapped, though. It would be a nuisance.”

“If you do get to Zayne Thorngren, he might be the one to kidnap you. So, how about you let me help?” She holds out her hands before I can protest. “Let’s just start with some good old shopping, okay? After all, we can’t afford anything less than perfect for the Zayne Thorngren Mission, and you don’t seem to have what you need here anyway.” Then, with a dip of her tone that won’t let me say no, “Let me do this for you at least. I’ve got a car ready outside and a squad of bodyguards with experience in Afghanistan. No one will be kidnapping you on my watch.”

I look down at my purse, discarded on the vanity table, the contents spilling out of it. I pick up one of the black cards. I have access to a lot of Joseph’s money, even if not all of it, until he’s officially declared dead.

“Let’s start by spending the asshole’s money.” Wicked satisfaction seeps into my tone. “It won’t lure him out of his hideout, but maybe it will make him toss and turn in it.” My eyes shoot up to Mia’s, whose grin mirrors mine. 

When she and I first met, we struck a deal. I would help her get intel on another member of the Blood Fist Triad she was investigating, namely Jax Vaughn, and she would help me get dirt on my husband. I assumed the code name Dakota and met her in a coffee shop with a baseball cap pulled low over my eyes. There, I told her my story.

I told her that, when Joseph and I met, I had already built a few successful start-ups, but I was young, and they weren’t a big deal. We met at a charity where I was hunting for business angels for my new project, an independent media outlet that would actually bring truth to the world. I was also one of the podcasting pioneers, and he was my first hot-shot guest. The head of the New York Corp Bank. I couldn’t believe my luck, I was walking on clouds.

Joseph fascinated me. He was an older, well-spoken man from whom I felt I had much to learn. I wasn’t wrong there. But boy, was I wrong about the price I would have to pay. Soon, he held me in a chokehold. Keeping me confined to our villa made it easy for him to cheat with models every other day, and his substance abuse problem gradually got out of hand. It turned him into a violent man. I eventually learned to avoid his wrath and turned to champagne more often than I liked to cope with my dire circumstances.

Yet the more I learned about the filthy bastard, the more I hated him, and there was only so much that booze could do to numb that down. I couldn’t keep my arms crossed anymore. I had to do something about the underage girls he drugged senseless and fucked with his buddies, about the kids he sent out on the streets to sell his drugs, about the way he waved his hand when one of those kids got shot in the head as if it didn’t matter. They were just cannon fodder to him.

So Mia and I partnered up. We made one hell of a team, she and I. 

“I just hope we haven’t become danger junkies,” I tell her with a smile.

She smiles back, but it doesn’t reach her eyes.

“Just don’t forget the evil genius part,” she warns. “Remember the stuff we discovered on the streets about Thorngren. That man is Machiavelli made flesh. Even the Blood Fist Triad are wary of him.” And we both know what that means. If he makes the rulers of the underground squeamish, there’s got to be something truly devilish about the man. “I’ll ask Declan to–”

“I told you, I don’t want Declan involved in this. At all. He’s already done enough having the guys from The Rite interrogated.” My voice fades over those last few words.

Mia releases a long exhale, full of patience. “Sirenna, I know why you’ve really been avoiding Declan and Jax. You’re ashamed of the situation Joseph put you in at The Rite. All those guys and–” She stops in time, surely seeing the heat creeping up my cheeks. “But there’s nothing to be ashamed of. They understand better than anyone. Besides, if you feel like shit, how am I supposed to feel? No one actually put their dick inside you that night, while Declan fucked all my holes in front of the entire crowd.”

“And you sound fucking proud about it.” 

“There you go,” she says, running her fingers through my hair as the heat leaves my face. 

“Sometimes all it takes to make a girl feel better is pointing out that someone else should be feeling worse.” 

She laughs. “Always glad to be of service. Now, how do you plan to get to Zayne Thorngren?” She taps her index finger against my temple. “Because I know this brilliant mind already has a plan.”

MEET CUTE

Sirenna

“I trust you can take it from here,” the security guy repeats, keen to get off this floor. He hasn’t even stepped out of the elevator with me, and the look on his face when I glance over my shoulder is quite telling. Before I even get to respond, the doors of the elevator have already closed, leaving me alone in this place.

I look up at the doors, taking a deep breath. Then, slowly, I raise a hand to touch the intricate patterns carved into them, searching for a knob or a latch. Damn, I could swear the material is liquid. It seems to respond to the heat of my palm because the doors open with a smooth hum.

They reveal a space that looks more like the receiving hall of a king than the office of a nerd-slash-businessman. A pattern in the shape of DNA spirals is worked into the marble floor, a large floor-to-ceiling window to one side showing a vast green park that sprawls between this building and the city, skyscrapers visible in the distance. Buttery couches and a low table mark the visitors’ area. Surely only the creme-de-la-creme spend time here, people of Declan’s and Jax’s caliber.

My mouth is still open as my eyes drag to the large, sleek desk that presides from the far side of the room. A pretty-faced man in what appears to be the outfit of a clergyman leans against the desk, not looking very surprised to see me. If anything, it seems like he expected me, but somehow I know he isn’t Zayne Thorngren. 

But when another man emerges from an adjacent room, drinks in both hands, I know instantly that this is him. And he’s nothing like I expected.

His face hits me like a hammer to my gut, leaving me breathless. 

Zayne Thorngren has such beautiful blue eyes that, for a moment, my heart stutters. The tone of his skin makes me instantly think about licking it, and his jaw should be on an advertising billboard for “unattainable standards of male beauty”. His hair is so black it reveals blue highlights when he passes in front of the window, but it’s his lips I can’t look away from by the time he’s eaten up the distance between us. 

God sure as fuck went to town when he made this man. His lips are perfectly sculpted, and I can see how tasting them could feel like a privilege. I can think of no better way to describe him other than “Fuck this”, “You’ve got to be shitting me”, and “I’m fucking done here”.

“Mrs. Sirenna Carter,” he greets in a voice like liquid sin. “How wonderful that you made it in time. I’d made a bet with Priest here about how long it would take for you to crawl out of the hotel you’ve been hiding in, and reach out for my help.” 

Oh, wow. That was sobering. I’m not sure whether to feel offended or grateful for the bucket of ice he just dropped on me, but I’m instantly back to my senses.

He reaches me a drink, his smile not leaving his face for a single moment. “Five minutes later, and I would have had to pay up.”

My eyes flit between him and the clergyman. “Had you instructed your security to let me through, I would have been here sooner. Saved you the palpitations.”

“Oh, and deny myself the show? Oh no, Mrs. Carter. Watching that famously brilliant mind of yours in action was too much of a delight. Premium entertainment.” He winks, and those insanely blue eyes arrest my attention completely.

I absentmindedly take the drink from his hand. He looks down at it, one eyebrow arching up, giving him the look of a young devil. “I know you prefer champagne, but I figured you might need something stronger for the talk we’re about to have.”

“Sounds like you already know why I’m here.”

That smile again. It could disarm a fucking army.

“Of course, Mrs. Carter. If I didn’t know when people were planning to manipulate me, I wouldn’t be where I am. Please, have a seat.”

He motions toward one of the buttery, cream-colored sofas by the large window, light flooding in around it. His movement is fluid, his black sweater stretching over his strong arms and chest. The man is built like a freaking Michelangelo sculpture, an effect which the full black, casual outfit enhances. I lick my lips, trying to divert my thoughts from how he might look naked. It’s just  that finding a man so intensely attractive is a big deal for me. I didn’t think anyone could ever catch my attention like this again, and it feels surprisingly uplifting to know I’m not dead inside after all.

Besides, there’s something beyond his looks that keeps me staring. A strange familiarity, which is crazy because if I’d met this man before I sure as hell would have remembered.

I head over to the sofa, sharply aware of my posture and the way that I walk. I’m wearing a long, thin leather trench coat instead of the jacket I initially planned to wear because I didn’t want all of his employees to see the sexy outfit underneath. But the moment I sit down, crossing my legs, the sides of the coat fall to reveal my thighs, the lace pumps on my feet enhancing the effect. Zayne’s shoulders seem to tense, but it might be just in my head, because I want to affect him. But I can’t show him that, so my eyes fly over to the clergyman. 

“Oh, don’t worry, Mrs. Carter,” Zayne says, following my gaze. “Priest doesn’t really work for Jesus. He works with me. No need to feel guilty about tempting him.”

He casually takes a seat perpendicular to me on the L-shaped sofa, facing the widow. There is enough distance between us to keep me comfortable, but also to make conversation less confrontational than if we’d be sitting face to face. It’s also a way for him to judge my composure. Face to face, I’d have no choice but to stare him full in the face, have my fill of those handsome features without making a fool of myself. The same cannot be said about this angle. If I stare it’s because I can’t help it. 

The same goes for Zayne, only that he doesn’t seem intimidated by the idea at all. He rests an arm over the back of the sofa, crossing one ankle elegantly over his knee and staring at me without a care in the world. Definitely not something you’d do with someone who affects you. Surely, if he felt the slightest hint of familiarity, of recognition, he would say something–wouldn’t he? I swallow hard, trying to get rid of the strange sensation, and trying to keep myself together. It’s not easy, especially with the scent that now envelops me like a crisp morning breeze tinged with citrus. It’s the scent of a man that will shatter everything in the way of his goals. World domination comes to mind as I meet that blue stare.

“So, I suppose this is about your husband having gone MIA,” he opens the discussion as if it’s the easiest thing in the world. Nothing like the socially awkward nerd I imagined him to be. This isn’t the formerly pimpled teenager I thought I could intimidate, but a fucking Adonis who saw ten moves ahead of me. 

“Sad story, but I can’t say I’m very much touched by it,” he continues. “As you surely know, your husband and I are far from buddies. I am curious about one thing, though. How affected are you by his disappearance? Because if your hooking up with guys in the hotel bar is any indication, not much.”

I choke on my sip of scotch. “How do you–”

“I make a habit of keeping tabs on people who might become trouble.”

“Those hookups never went all the way.” Now why the hell did I have to point that out? It’s none of this bastard’s business. I clear my throat, putting on a straight face. “But the question is–how the fuck do you know what happened at my hotel?”

“Maybe I was a guest there.” He twirls the glass in his hand as he speaks. The corner of my mouth lifts, satisfied that I recognize at least one of his strategies. He hasn’t taken a single sip of his drink since we sat down, while I’ve taken three, if only to justify the color in my cheeks. 

Besides, by the look of him, the guy really isn’t a drinker. He’s too athletic for that, yet he doesn’t look like the steroid-fed gym junkie either. The power of his body, his exquisite build, they come from excelling at a sport. Something that enlarges the shoulders and trims the waist, that muscles the thighs and makes the ass look like it’s made of concrete. It takes effort not to ask what the hell he did to look like this.

“No, you weren’t. I would know, since the hotel is mine.” And I would sure as fuck have remembered him.

His grin widens. “I have eyes and ears in all the places that matter. It’s as if I were there in person.”

My lips thin. That must be how he knew about the bar hookups–through his spies. And I only realize that now, taken as I’ve been with his looks. After all, security lets everyone into the hotel bar if they aren’t carrying a weapon or wires–we scan them at the entrance. He must also know that none of those pick-ups ever ended with a fuck. That I always landed drunk and alone in my bed, having cried my eyes out on the shoulder of some stranger frustrated that he didn’t get laid that night. Fuck, I don’t know what’s more pathetic, him knowing the truth, or him believing I’m a slut with a drinking problem.

I tilt my head to the side, mirroring him.

“Since you know it all, why am I here?”

He drags his eyes away from me for the first time, directing them to the window. The way those blue irises catch the light is out of this fucking world.

“Let’s see, there are three possible reasons at the top of my list. First, you were curious to put a face to my name, but that’s wishful thinking on my part, yes?” He gives me a beat to respond, but the moment I open my mouth, he cuts me off. “Second, you’d like me to help you find out what happened to your husband. But that doesn’t hold either, does it? In the end, you don’t give a damn about him. You never did.” Is it just me, or was there just a little bit of venom in that last statement? “Third–and most pertinent, if you ask me–is that you’re swamped with death threats. With Joseph missing, all kinds of nasty people are trying to take over his empire. With you being a woman, the competition thinks you’re easy to take down. So you decided you needed help. And who better to partner with, if not with the man your husband feared most–and who he was in direct competition with.”

He turns his face to me, while I try to keep a poker mask on. 

“You know, I used to wonder what you and Joseph had in common,” I say calmly. “I mean, he runs a large drug network and you control much of the pharma industry, but that’s where the similarities end–or are supposed to, with him being in essence just a thug, and you a refined genius.” I pause for a beat. “But then, while I was busy digging up dirt on my still-husband, I came across some interesting things.” I rest the glass of scotch on my knee, my eyes pinning him down like daggers as I speak out the next words. “You seek to replace the common drugs on the streets with your own highly engineered ones. And that’s just the tip of the iceberg.”

He holds my stare as silence falls over his large office. I become increasingly aware of Priest still hanging out by the desk, of his attention fixed on us. I wonder what his job is with Zayne, because I doubt he’s either his spiritual father or his bodyguard. There’s something menacing about the pretty boy that puts him on an equal footing with Zayne.

“Are you trying to intimidate me with the knowledge you have about my dealings, Mrs. Carter?” Zayne eventually says. His voice is still a silky  caress, but one that could morph into a whip at any second. His eyes slide down my frame. “And here I was, thinking you would use some of your feminine charms in order to coax me into becoming your ally.”

“Now that you mention it, I might as well.” My voice lowers a few tones, becoming more husky and inviting. All my senses scream that I’m doing something terribly stupid right now, but I can’t help it.

I undo the buttons of my coat, flipping the sides open to reveal the skimpy black satin dress. It might be just in my head, a trick that my racing pulse is playing on me, but I think his throat tensed a little.

“Shall I take this as an offer, Mrs. Carter?”

“First of all, I’d appreciate it if you stopped calling me that. Considering all the information you already have on me, I would expect that you already know I planned on leaving Joseph before his disappearance.”

He tsks, twirling the glass in his hand a little faster, even though the rest of him remains calm.

“Indeed. One could argue that you had good reasons to disappear him yourself. After all, you’re a resourceful woman. You just talked yourself past security that even the greatest con artists would have trouble breaching. Getting rid of an unwanted husband shouldn’t be hard for someone of your skill and competence.”

The compliment sends heat to my cheeks, but I manage to mask my reaction.

“I suppose one could make that argument. But not you. You know better. After all, you kept track even of my failed hookup attempts. You’re a know-it-all god of sorts.”

The twinkle in his eye sends my heart jolting into my throat. 

“Fair enough. So, for the sake of clarity, I’m going to ask you again.” He uncrosses his legs and leans forward. When his eyes move down my body again, they’re no longer just mildly curious or intrigued. It seems like he’s x-raying me, shamelessly exploring what I might look like naked. “Is this an offer?”

My entire body heats up, control slipping out of my hands. Now how the fuck do I reply to that?

***

STAY TUNED for the release coming soon! Dirty Arrangement is going live on Amazon on the 19.01.2024 – just a little over a week from now! Interested in more sneak peeks from my books, or maybe in a bit of Zayne’s POV from this one? Leave a comment and let me know.

Masked Man Scene – Wicked Rich Boy Excerpt

One thing you should never do on campus – get on the radar of the Heathen Kings, as much as you crave a piece of them.

They’re golden campus boys by day and warlords by night.

Cruel rulers of the world.

Set to marry virgin heiresses and use lesser mortals, like me, for their dirty pleasures.

Sade Royales? He’s a mouthwatering bastard with a sadistic streak that’s always fascinated me–safely, from afar.

But now I’ve done something that’s drawn his attention, and my life will never be the same.

Now, he’s out to haunt me.

Use me for his perverted desires.

Judging by his reputation, he’ll discard me afterward and take pictures of the mess.

Yet when the police come sniffing about the disappearance of my ex-boyfriend, he steps in for me. He swears to protect me. But there’s a deeper plot behind his actions, and soon I start discovering my place in Sade’s wicked plans. One thing is for sure – if he’s going to hell, he’s taking me with him. The question is, do I even want to fight it?

NOTE: This is a dark romance. It contains dub-con, degradation, and a twisted, dark love. Proceed at your peril.

***

MASKED MAN SCENE

The good news is that I’m not insane.

The bad news is that I have a stalker on my tracks.

The masked man is real, and he can do things that would give a ghost a run for its money. Like breaking through closed doors and dissolving into thin fucking air.

I run breathlessly down the stairs, only the moonlight guiding me. I should scream, draw the guards’ attention, but what if that psycho kills whoever happens in his path? I can’t be sure whose face hides behind the mask, but I’m positive he’s one of the Kings or the wannabes they initiate and train as their acolytes. They have the sickest skills, and they’re pretty freaking low on morals. 

Dogg Wilson alone, whose unwavering gaze from the car the other night still haunts me, can do some serious shit. If I hadn’t been so obsessed with working Sade out of my system, I would have spent my last few nights tossing and turning about Dogg’s intentions. 

My chest burns with every inhale I take by the time I reach the bottom of the stairs. The double doors leading out onto the front patio are just across the hall, at the end of a dark hallway. A shadow crosses in front of the glass panes, framed by the outline of combat gear–one of the guards. I can hear muffled laughs, him talking into his phone, oblivious to the fact that there’s an intruder inside the house.

I throw myself in the direction of the light. I’ll tell him about the masked man, and beg him not to look for him but just go, get us all out of here. I may not survive the dark forest surrounding this house alone, and the guards surely wouldn’t survive the masked man, but together we stand a chance. I can almost reach out and grab the door knob, a whimper trembling on my lips, when a shadow whips through my field of vision.

“Jesus Christ,” I shriek. It was so close, the movement ruffled my hair.

Sweat breaks out all over me, the empty house chilling me to the bone. 

No, I can’t stop now, not when I’m so close to salvation.

But when I take the next step, something pierces my naked foot. I yelp, stepping away and looking down. In the faint light filtering from the outside, I make out the drops of blood dotting the wooden floor–my blood, from the thorns that broke through my skin. There are multiple roses scattered at my feet. Under them lies another one of my crumpled poems, words written across it in dripping red.

You can run, but you can’t hide, pretty poet.

Just as I pull in a deep breath to shout, a large presence spreads out behind me like a splash of ink. I feel him before his breath touches my ear, and his deep voice reaches me.

“Scream, and their blood will be on your hands.”

Definitely one of the Kings. 

Even though his voice is distorted, as if Mr. Hyde had replaced whoever he is during the day, there’s a deadly edge specific to the way they all speak. Maybe I’d recognize him by the shape of his body, his height or the color of his eyes but, for that, I’d need to turn around. 

An exhale trembles on my lips before I take another breath, hoping to recognize him by his scent. I’m good with scents. Roses and smoke. Sade is clean linen and fall spice, Micah is leather and dark chocolate, Carlton all ocean and dew, but this one? 

“Trying to recognize me by my scent, pretty poet?” A low, quiet laugh. “A good stalker knows how to mask everything about himself, including his scent. Haven’t you read that in your books?”

A body as hard as concrete brushes my shoulder blades. He’s large, broad, crushing. My brain starts frantically calculating possibilities. No doubt he’ll make good on his promise and hurt the guards if they intervene. Those men don’t expect anything to go wrong tonight when the house is presumably empty. They’ll be caught off guard. They have families waiting for them at home, and if a father doesn’t make it back to his kids, it’ll be on me. 

I’m trapped. 

Nausea flares up from my stomach, and I hunch over, gripping my waist and retching over the roses and poems scattered at my feet. Maybe it will disgust him, and he’ll abandon his pursuit. But the universe isn’t feeling merciful tonight. Nothing comes out, and the masked man chuckles again, sleek like a lake where corpses lie.

“You have a strong sense of responsibility. Be a good girl, and no one will get hurt tonight.”

“No one?”  I manage breathlessly.

“No one,” comes the flat answer. 

I slowly come back up to a standing position, my eyes fixed on the light ahead. It’s so close, it’s painful. I could just lunge across the hall and grab the doorknob. But the masked man has me in a chokehold without even touching me.

I lick my parched lips. “You’re enjoying this, huh? Making someone much smaller than you fear for their life?”

“Why would you fear for your life? I brought flowers.”

“You also brought letters written in blood.”

He’s now closer, inhaling the scent of my hair. My fingers dig into my arms. It’s all the protection I have against him. Useless, pointless, but I need the illusion. 

“They’re freshly written, inspired by your poems,” he murmurs in my ear. My blood drains from my limbs. The poems in which I called Sade by name. 

Verses without much depth, but of piercing sincerity. I thought that I would be safe to explore those feelings within the safety of these walls, unlike at the mansion or on campus.

“Why don’t you take off the mask now?” I manage. “I mean, it’s clear you’re one of the Kings. Or that they sent you.”

A chuckle, so close that I’m sure he must have somehow gotten inside my head just like he broke into the house. Like a freaking ghost.

“How do you know I’m even wearing a mask?”

“I know you’re the same man who broke into Mel’s bathroom the first night I was here.” I pause, wishing I remembered the glimpse I got of him in more detail. “I know it in my bones.”

“See, we are bound on such deep levels.”

“How did you even pull that off, the first night?”

“Magician’s secret.”

“Who are you?” My words leave on a trembling breath.

“Who do you suspect that I am?”

“Please don’t play with me.”

“I just enjoy seeing you do the guesswork.”

“I’d prefer it if you saved me the torture.”

“Yes, I imagine it would be hard to choose. Considering how many men Dean’s videos fired up for you. Dogg Wilson, for example. He’s been obsessed with you since that night at the party, when you ground yourself against two men.”

I swallow hard at the threat in his voice. It bothers him. Still, what he saw that night inspired him to track me down here and set up this entire nightmare. 

“Or Carlton Wilde?” he continues. “He was pretty loud about how much he enjoyed what he saw in that group chat.”

The knot in my throat feels like a jagged pill. Carlton is a big guy, the muscle on whom the Kings’ society at Norton King’s relies to do their dirty work when someone needs a painful lesson. Some people whisper he’s their hitman. It’s definitely not out of the question that he could be the one standing behind me. 

But if it’s Sade–

My mind freezes before I fully acknowledge that possibility. It would mean that he saw into my mind tonight when he read my verses and knows all about the dirty, preposterous, boundless perversities I want him to do to me. I shudder, even though I’m wrapped in a cocoon of unbearable heat coming from his presence, making it a struggle to breathe. 

“What do you want? Why are you here?” I croak.

A gloved hand slithers around my neck from behind. 

“You didn’t go back home that night. You have no idea what that did to me.” His fingers press into the sides of my neck, enough to obstruct the flow of blood through my jugular. “I should have monitored you every step of the way. The torturous hours before I tracked you down, thinking that you might have–”

He doesn’t finish the sentence, but I know what he means. Despite the fact that I’m going lightheaded, I understand the psycho was worried I might have caused myself irreparable harm. But does that mean my life is precious to him, and he won’t attempt to take it himself? The energy coming from him is dark and barely contained, and there’s a killer in the vibrations of his voice. His fingers curl into my flesh, possessive like a claw.

He pulls me back into his large body that feels rock-solid against my back. Yet his energy is a swirling black hole, ready to suck me in. 

“Relax, princess,” he purrs while that gloved hand claims more of my air supply, forcing me to abandon my weight against his body. “You’re in better company than you imagine. I’m a fellow poet myself, you see, and I wrote something for you. I’m curious what you think.”

He reaches into a pocket to produce another piece of my scribbling and holds it in front of my eyes. I should be relieved it’s not a knife he’s holding, but the red writing across it, trumping my own lines as if it owns them, fills me with terror. If I had a sliver of a doubt it was blood, it dissipates into thin air. My pounding pulse must tell the masked man exactly how I’m feeling because a laugh rumbles against my back. The bastard is amused.

“You can rejoice, pretty poet. The words are written in the blood of a man who deeply grieved you. Come on, read them out loud for me. But careful. Not loud enough to draw attention.” His mouth is now touching my ear, I can feel his hot breath through the mask. “We wouldn’t want to get the guards in trouble now, would we?”

My eyes fall to the words, tiny rivulets of red darkening the parchment-like paper. I didn’t even realize he led me back towards the stairs while we talked. We are now close to the windows on the back side of the house. There are no lamp posts here, just hedges and rose bushes all the way to the wrought iron fence that separates the property from the black forest beyond.

I try to make sense of the words in the moonlight, but my brain just won’t work with me. The masked man hums in understanding.

“All right, let me help you then. I’ll start by reading your own lines first.”

“No!” It’s a knee-jerk reaction. The prospect of hearing the explicit things I wrote about Sade, from this guy’s mouth, makes my blood curdle. I’d rather face his twisted desires than the realization that he knows my own. I put my attention on the red words. 

“Then you read my own verses to me, little poet.” His voice is almost dreamy as he says it. This bastard takes serious pleasure from tormenting me.

My tongue flicks over my parched lips, my throat constricting, not wanting to produce the words. I force myself through it. 

“Stepping on petals of sin, A death rider brought to ruin, Locks you in his soul–an iron maiden, And makes of you his hellish haven.” The dark walls swallow my strained voice. My throat bobs under his gloved hand, so large that it completely covers my neck from base to chin. There’s so much strength in those fingers that a single squeeze would kill me. 

“Doesn’t it sound romantic?” he says. 

“I see only despair,” I whisper, staring at our verses’ twisted embrace like it’s a work of art. 

He breathes in, his dark presence wrapping around me like a cocoon, his hand tighter around my throat. 

“It’s a violation, you know,” I manage, my voice a ghostly whisper. “Reading someone’s poetry without their permission is the same as reading their diary.”

“Ah, princess, you surely understand by now that I’m not someone who is easily held back by morals. For example, that beautiful red color of the verses I wrote for you. Like I said, it’s acquired from a man that grieved you.” His mouth touches my cheek through the mask, and I shut my eyes tightly as if that could keep the information at bay. But his whispers trickle into my brain. “One of the men who exposed you at that party. Who tainted your dignity and took away from you everything you believed you were.”

“Everything I believed I was,” I retort, my voice as low as his, “or who you wanted me to be?”

He keeps quiet, only that broad chest moving behind me. Unfazed, waiting for me to continue. 

“Maybe I was never the innocent girl the world saw. There was always more to me than just a poet’s soul.”

“Hmmm,” he rumbles softly. “A poet’s soul as captivating as those big hazel eyes. I knew your soul before I even spoke to you. Oh, how it hurt to watch you betray your muse like that.”

My head spins as if I were tipsy. An effect of his steady grip on my throat. 

“You see, Justine, it’s not that I expected your being to be reduced to the poet. I just didn’t expect you to cheat on your dreams. To give yourself to anyone other than your muse.”

Sade. His name fills my head. It’s him, oh, dear Lord, it’s him.

“Did you think about me, little poet?” he murmurs, confirming my suspicion. “While Posh Boy pounded your p***y and you held on to that headboard, did you imagine it was me doing it?”

“Jesus Chris, Sade, why are you doing this?” I croak.

He releases my throat, and I instinctively pull in a deep breath. The oxygen hits too hard, making me reel on my feet and eventually find balance against his hard body. He removes a leather glove, and I recognize the back of his hand. The heads of snakes with jaws opened towards every one of his knuckles. 

Fucking Flying Dutchman, it is him. And he knows exactly what I’ve been fantasizing about all this time. He flexes his fingers, reddish bruises stretching over that fist that can punch its way through walls.

“You shouldn’t have chosen him over me, Justine. Now, we are both going to hell.” He turns his palm to face me. I gasp.

Blood is smeared over the large plane of his hand, crusted over deep, mean cuts. A sharp feeling shoots straight between my legs. 

“What the hell?” The words whoosh out of my chest.

“I told you–I wrote the words in blood.” His voice goes even lower. “My blood.”

I’m speechless, staring at what he did to himself. Those cuts will leave scars, his hand is almost maimed.

“Do you want to see what else I wrote for you in my own blood, pretty poet? The kind of feelings that you ignite in me?”

God knows the answer is yes. I want to know everything about every feeling he might have for me, but I don’t dare ask, still fearing that this might be a trap.

Holding the piece of paper with one hand, he produces a Zippo with the other and lights up a flame. He holds it at the corner of the paper until the flame catches, leaving a trail of crumpling black in its wake.

“There’s no purification like verse and fire,” he muses. “When the pain gets unbearable, they do more for us than a hundred hours of therapy. They bring healing. Give respite. They banish the demons that haunt us, even if only for a little while.”

“You are the only demon that haunts me,” I whisper, the flame playing in my eyes, hypnotizing me. 

He’s quiet for a moment, only the sound of burning paper filling the hollow darkness around us. The fire reaches his fingers, and my stomach tightens, waiting for him to let it drop. He doesn’t, just watching the flames licking their way dangerously close to his fingers.

“You may have given your virginity to another man, but make no mistake, Justine Pracht. You’re mine. You encourage another guy’s advances again, and there will be casualties.” 

Still holding the burning paper in one hand, he lets the other one slip down my body, snaking over the red silk robe toward the apex of my thighs. I look down, watching that large hand with those tattooed snakes slithering down my robe that shines ruby red in the flames. The moonlight flickers, and my head whips up. A shadow just crossed in front of the window, and now another. Shit, the flames must have drawn their attention.

“The guards,” I whisper breathlessly, my heart beating harder. I’m not sure whether I’m reacting to the prospect of being caught or of the masked man stopping what he’s doing to deal with the nuisance.

“You better hope they don’t come in here, pretty poet, or you may have to write their obituaries next. I’m sure you’d make eloquent work of it.” His hand slides lower, but at least he lets the paper drop and taps out the fire with his foot. 

I resist his touch, even if my thighs are squirming. 

“Please, don’t,” I whisper, my eyelids fluttering as I keep my eyes on the window.

Sade doesn’t reply. He just waits, his hand now hovering just above my womb. I can feel the wetness seeping into my panties, this fucked up situation turning on the wanton inside me like there’s no tomorrow. But I can’t. 

There’s a truth here I can’t ignore–If I do this, I’ll lose myself to him. It’s the point of no return. If I let Sade Royales f**l me with his d**k, he will take my soul like a real-life demon. The energy surrounding him, dark like spreading ink, is ravenous for my soul, ready to fill the entire canvas of it, and that treacherous canvas is dying to soak it in. 

And then? It’s not like Sade Royales and I actually have a future. 

“We can’t do this, Sade,” I whisper. “So you take this from me, and then what? What happens to me when you marry your virgin heiress and go on with your life?” I shake my head, not even wanting to imagine it. I’d rather not taste something so good only to be denied the flavor for the rest of my days.

But by the way his gloved hand slithers around my throat again, Sade isn’t ready to take no for an answer. 

“You’re asking too much.” My voice trembles, but I manage to bring some spine to my tone. I won’t go down tonight without a fight. If I give in to his wicked lure, I won’t ever recover. “What happened the other night with you and Dean, it changed me. Things will never be the same for me on campus, even if your attention gives me some sort of protection.”

“Some sort of protection?” 

“Okay, real protection. But I’m still a sl*t in everyone’s eyes.” I pause, swallowing at the uncomfortable pressure he puts on my throat. “Including yours.”

His grip turns into a leathery caress that could become deadly any second. 

“I see you’ve already decided what everyone’s thinking. Including me. But if you’re honest, can you blame me? You let a man run his money through your account and his d**k through your p***y and your mouth. You let him film you while at it, too. You are a sl*t.”

I laugh, the sound disturbing. “After all the poet soul talk, this is what you give me?”

“This is what you’ll have of me. Also, despite the fancy way you put it, you are trying to ditch me.” The hand on my throat turns harder while the one on my front dips, parting the sides of my robe. I’d protest, but his squeeze now makes it impossible. My naked feet thrash to gain a footing, but I don’t stand a chance as he drags me back towards the stairs, the floor slippery under my feet. 

“I’m going to finger you with the same hand from which I drew blood, Justine, just so you understand that you belong to me.” His voice gains a different inflection. If sex demons existed, I’m sure this is what they’d sound like. “Then, I’ll have my way with you in front of a mirror, so you get a perfect view of yourself being used like the dirty little w***e you like to be. If that’s what you’re into, that’s what I’m gonna give you. Ah, look at this p***y, dripping wet already. Does it turn you on, the prospect of being forced to fulfill a masked man’s fantasies? To be used for his perversions?” He drags me up the stairs, the mask scraping my cheek as his lips touch me through it. “Does it even matter who is behind the mask when it comes to that particular fantasy?”

I thrash harder, but my feet just skid on the ground, my entire body weight sustained by his grip on my throat, his other hand deep in my panties. My eyes bulge, my hands clawing at his black-clad wrist, but it’s like fighting the fucking Terminator. We’re almost at the top of the stairs when he loosens his grip a little, just as his naked hand pushes two fingers into my p***y, making it hurt. 

“On second thought, how about we film it, too? That way you’ll have something you’ll actually enjoy watching later on. I’ll be keeping my mask on, too. Imagine how wet you’ll get every time you remember.”

I should ask him whether he’ll be in bed with his wife while I do that, spitting poison at him. Instead, I croak, “I wonder how many guys in your group chat will be doing just the same.”

His grip gives out a little more, as if my words hit him in the gut. 

It’s now or never. 

I bend forward, and crash an elbow into his exposed side. But it’s not like in the movies. I hit a wall of muscles, causing my captor nothing but a moment of amused wonder. As if he can’t believe what I just decided to do, and the stupidity of said decision. 

I spin around, facing the huge masked shadow for the first time before I sprint through the hall. He doesn’t follow, nothing but his dark laugh chasing me. As if he’s giving me some leeway only to increase his own fun, to make this more exciting. 

“My pretty poet likes adrenaline,” his voice sounds down the hall. “By all means, as long as it pleases you, but it’s good to know when to give up. Remember, you can run, but you can’t hide.” 

Reaching the next flight of stairs, I grip onto the banister to haul myself up, my thighs burning. 

“I must say, your words hurt me.” He’s closer now. A force of evil speaking from the walls, reaching for my sanity. “You thinking that I would share footage of you with anyone. Haven’t I made it clear that I wanted you entirely for myself? I want your beautiful mind, your precious soul, and I want your soaked p***y.” 

I pant, the end of the next flight of stairs hovering within sight. It’s so dark up there that I can hardly make out the outline of the last step. 

He laughs, and it’s a punishing sound, because he’s gaining on me by the second. “You want to be ill-used on the stairs, I see. It will be my pleasure to comply.” 

I’m dying to look back, gauge how long until he catches up, but I force myself not to. I have to stay focused on the task, which is reaching the attic door. There, I’ll pull a string so that the trap door falls open. If I can get in fast enough, and pull the string back up with me before I shut the door, he won’t be able to get me anymore. There’s only one small round window to the outside in that room, and there’s no way he can get in through it, no matter how sick his skills are. There, I wouldn’t have to scream and alert the guards. I just have to keep hidden until morning, and–

“The faster you understand you’re not getting rid of me, the better.” His voice is so close now, it’s in the very air I breathe. I gasp as a large hand wraps around my ankle, yanking me down so I fall with my front on the stairs. He drags me back mercilessly–his punishment for my trying to run away. The bastard wasn’t kidding. He is hurt. 

A hand covers my mouth, muffling my cry.

“Now, now, we don’t want to alert the guards, remember?” he murmurs. I can feel the weight of his body hovering over me, his fingers grazing the back of my thigh. 

“You know this scenario well,” he says. “It was a nightmare you had. One from which you woke up aroused.” He tsks, his fingers bypassing my lace panties and grazing the lips of my p***y. 

I claw at the stairs in front of me, using all of my strength to try and drag myself up from under him. 

“Ah, look at how much this p***y wants me.” Satisfaction is unmistakable in his voice. He allows some of his weight to press onto my back, trapping me against the stairs. Enough that I can still breathe through my nose over his leather-clad fingers, but also enough to rob me of the strength to keep fighting. 

At least having to work for air takes my focus away from how my body betrayed me. He’s going to render me a mess, ready to serve him. 

I cry out into his hand, and reach up with curled fingers, desperate to save myself from succumbing to him like to a disease. He presses that impossibly large chest harder on me, rendering any further attempt futile. 

“Now what was the first thing the masked man did to you in your nightmare?” He chuckles in my ear, the sound almost spectral, creating a sweet pool of terror in my womb. “I know there was a part where he caught you on the stairs, knocked you down and ripped off your panties while you thrashed under him. He rammed a large c**k into your pussy, a hand on your mouth so you couldn’t scream. You woke up ashamed and disgusted with how hard you came on his c**k.”

My eyelids flutter shut. His words cause me more than just shame or disgust. The voice he uses is inhuman and blood-curdling, the voice of a god forged in war. One seeking solace from the horrors he witnessed, endured and was forced to perpetrate. I always had a knack for the deeper frequencies in people’s voices, and his voice tells a story that envelops my brain in a fog of feelings that are beyond the human experience.

“But I won’t do that to you, little poet,” he murmurs. 

I remain still under his weight. The scent of roses and smoke now mingles with the scent of clean linen, as if the Hyde were now merging back with his human form. “Still, you’ll end up begging me to use you.”

***

Keep reading HERE.

Frat Boy Billionaire – Chapter I

Hello people,

As promised, here is the first chapter of my upcoming novella, Frat Boy Billionaire, that will hit the Zon in ten days. Here is what this story is about:

A one-night stand turns into a twisted game that follows you forever–along with the man that can’t let go.

Mia

When campus starboy Declan Santori caught me snapping naked pictures of him, he demanded payback. A one night stand at his frat house that he would be allowed to film and keep as leverage against me. 

But a taste is not enough. He wants more.

And I do as well. I want him to do those twisted things to me again, use me for his pleasure and make me beg for it too. 

He’s like a sickness spreading out through me, one I have to get away from or die trying. Especially when it turns out that my dark Romeo is far more than just a super hot frat boy that every girl wants. There’s a far darker secret in his closet…

NOTE. Coarse language edited.

CHAPTER I – The Bitten Apple

Seven years ago

Mia

It’s not like I’ve been trying to stay away from Declan Santori, asshole extraordinaire and hottest frat boy on campus. On the contrary. I’ve been slinking down the hall to the boys’ locker room after training for weeks, their banter and gross jokes turning louder the closer I got. 

If anything, I’ve been trying to catch glimpses of him naked. After all, the campus UFC champion is one of a kind. Someone to snap pictures of to pleasure yourself to later.

Steam billows out of the boys’ showers, and I wait behind the locker room door, as I usually do. Frat boys that train for the UFC college octagon do it in a separate building that their fat earnings from betting pay for, making it easy for me to slip in on evenings like this. No one can catch me now that everybody is getting ready for the party at their frat house. The girls must be giggling at the dorms by now, clinking glasses of champagne while they pull on fishnets and leather corsets, talking about whose d*** might end up down their throats tonight. Eager to up their body count by adding the most eligible frat boys on campus.

Envy turns me livid.

They’re gonna get f*cked by my crush, and I won’t.

Because I didn’t get invited, of course. 

Back in high school, I dreamed about being one of the hot girls in college. I’d promised myself things would be different from junior high, that I wouldn’t be invisible anymore, and I was willing to put in the work for it. But then my dentist announced I’d have to wear braces for another year. The freaking first-impression year. So my dreams shattered.

I peek in from around the door, phone camera ready, snapping picture after picture. Declan always uses the shower closest to the exit, so I know exactly how to angle the device, while keeping a hawk’s eye on the display for adjustments. All I get at first are blurry side-pics, as always, but before long I start getting exactly what I need. I snap pictures greedily, sinking my braced teeth into my lower lip, feeling like a creep. 

But then I stop, my head tilting to the side. 

Something’s wrong. 

Something’s different about his hair, even though it’s wet, and there’s no telling the color. The man’s shoulders aren’t as broad nor as powerful as Declan’s, the V tapering down to his waist not as steep. I narrowly avoid hissing out a cuss when I glimpse the sides of a tattoo reaching around the guy’s waist.

No, this isn’t him. Declan Santori doesn’t have any tattoos because his elite family doesn’t allow it. They are the closest thing to royalty in the state, inking their bodies is out of the question. A piercing–a dumbbell going through his nipple–is the only thing marring his perfect body. So who is that man? I work my wrist, changing the camera’s angle quickly to look for Declan, but he doesn’t seem to be in there. Which is strange. I know for a fact he trained in the octagon this evening, I saw him walk out of there with his guys, all sweaty and loud and perfect. 

I’ve grown used to the adrenaline pumping through my veins when I spy on him, but it skyrockets now. All my senses know that something is terribly wrong here, but the moment I spin around to leave, I knock into a rock-hard chest. I stumble backwards, and I’d probably land on my ass if it weren’t for the wall behind me.

The realization knocks me in the chest like a hammer. 

I just got caught.

My brain spins and my ears buzz, my mind refusing to process the identity of the man in front of me. For moments, I fail to recognize the broad shoulders, like a swimmer’s, or the lean, athletic body with well-defined sinews snaking down into the towel wrapped around his hips. I’m choking on my own saliva as I look up at his face, at those intense slitted eyes that seem to burn holes through my skull. Slowly, my eyes run along the finely-cut edges of his cheekbones and jaw, moving up to the black, scruffy-spiked hair that makes him look like an anime character. A mouthwatering one, smelling of a fighter’s hormones, lemongrass and cinnamon. A scent I would recognize anywhere, and one that forces me to acknowledge what just happened.

As much as I wish this were an alternative reality that I’ll snap out of at any moment, it’s not. Declan Santori actually caught me spying on him. 

I suppose I could try and deny that I’m here for him, but he catches my wrist and snatches the phone from my hand.  The camera is already on, so he doesn’t need my password to access my photo gallery. Heat shoots up to the tips of my ears. I try to side-step him, run away before I choke on my own shame, but his hand turns into iron around my wrist. 

“So, Timothy was right,” he purrs in that calm baritone that has been haunting my dreams for months. “You have been spying on us.” Those slitted eyes flash from the pictures to my face. “On me.”

“She’s always been a lusty one,” Timothy Meyer says with a sneer, appearing behind Declan and propping himself against the doorframe. He’s the guy who’d taken Declan’s place in the shower, his body not as taut, his shoulders small, the tattoo under his belly button making a bad contrast with his cheese-white skin. Not even the towel around his hips makes anywhere close to the same impression. “You wouldn’t think it from the look of her.”

The worst part is that the bastard is right. Puberty hit me like a truck, my hormones morphing into tiny evil villains. But it’s not like just any guy could trigger them. Timothy Meyer should know. He tried his best to get into my pants back in high school, and failed, which is why he’s doing this to me now. Still, the truth is I rarely set my sights on a guy, but when I do, I’m relentless, and my lust becomes a problem. I’ve been trying to get a grip on it by hitting the gym too hard, and ended up skinny as shit, with no curves to entice guys like Declan. Pair my skinny frame with my braces and glasses, and not even cat-shaped blue eyes and shiny black hair can save me.   

“A cunning little spy,” Declan says, eyeing me up and down with keen interest. It gives me pause, and I stop breathing. He cocks an eyebrow. “A horny one.”

“I’m sure she wouldn’t object to you finger-f*cking her right here, against that wall,” Timothy encourages with a lewd glint in his small eyes that are too widely set apart. He grabs his c*ck through the towel. “I wouldn’t mind watching. We can even take turns.”

“I’m not here because I’m into you, you stupid assholes,” I blurt out. My blood surges, my breathing ragged as Declan’s scent fills my nostrils. He’s close, too close. 

His lips curling up into that dashing smile of his, Declan leans his head to the side. “No? Then why would you have naked pictures of me on your phone?”

“I can assure you it’s not because I sigh in bed at night for you.” A blatant lie.

That smile remains in place while his hand squeezes my wrist, and his body traps me against the wall. My breathing hitches. We’re now chest to chest, the water on his skin seeping into my oversized black metalhead t-shirt. I can feel the fabric cooling against my body. 

“Let me guess,” he purrs. “You were going to upload those pictures. Or spread them around campus, in an attempt to–what?” He laughs, the sound rippling through my veins like a dark promise. “Bully me?” His voice drops, as seductive as the lure of a vampire. “Is that it? You were trying to bully me, Mia Rogers?”

“Y-you know my name?” I stutter. 

His voice drops a few tones, pleasant and dangerous like a cool blade pressed to heated skin. 

“Of course I do. Your stalking isn’t as subtle as you think. I can feel your eyes on me in class, in the hallways.”

“All eyes are on you in class and in the hallways, not just mine,” escapes my mouth, and I don’t regret it. I even manage to hold his stare, the most penetrating one I’ve ever seen. This is a good cover, and Imma use it. “You’ve broken many hearts and ruined many reputations, Declan Santori. It was about time someone ruined yours.”

Those eyes, black as tar, keep probing mine before he bursts into laughter, a low sound that vibrates against my ribcage. 

“And you thought spreading pictures of my d*ck was gonna do that?”

My lips press into a hard line as I try my best to hold my ground. 

“I hand out d*ck pics like candy, little spy,” he hums, “and they’re received as such. I might slide one into your DMs, too.” He winks. “If you’re nice.”

I swallow hard, my eyes hanging on his. If I managed to save some face until now, there’s no way he doesn’t see the lust in it now.  He presses his body into mine, his c’ck hard against me. I gasp at the length of it. That thing would fill me up like a freaking missile. 

“In fact, I have a better idea.” His voice is a low, dangerous invitation. “Come to the frat house party later, and I promise you’ll be the only girl I f*ck tonight.” He holds up my phone and winks. “I might even let you film it. Then you can go about destroying my reputation all you want.”

The air between us is scorching hot as we hold each other’s stare. My heart slams like crazy into my chest, reverberating into his, but at least I can blame it on the shock and adrenaline. 

He places my phone back into my hand, wraps my fingers around it, and lets go. “Of course, you don’t have to come.” Those dark eyes turn into simmering coals. “But if you do show up, little spy, I’ll know why you’re there.”

He backs away, and it’s all I can do not to slump down by the wall. I can’t let myself collapse in front of him, and even less in front of that bastard Timothy, who’s still cupping his c*ck, stroking it limply. His mouth twists in disappointment that he won’t be watching me get finger-f*cked by the wall, and maybe be the next to do it. 

There’s a wicked look in his eyes that tells me he hasn’t given up on that prospect yet, and he won’t anytime soon.

***

This book is going to be out soon! Subscribe to my newsletter, and be the first to know when it does. Let me know your thoughts on this first chapter in a comment, I’m always happy to read them 🙂

His Twisted Fantasy – Excerpt – Obsession

His Twisted Fantasy is going to hit the Zon in fourteen days! Here is anorher sneak peek. Check out the first chapter here, and another sneak peek here. Leave a comment and let me know what you think 🙂

Warning! Boxing scenes ahead! There is violence!

Jax’s POV

This is why I never train with anyone but Declan Santori, The Bull. He can take my punches, swift and vicious and damaging, without ending up whining on the octagon floor like a beaten pimp. He’s a pro, a UFC champion back in his fraternity days in college, and a legend of underground fighting, too. He can’t say no to an illegal fight, hence his mask and nick-name, The Bull. No one can ever know his true identity.

A famous billionaire that never misses a red carpet, he’s many a city girl’s wet dream. I don’t think he’d ever settle for one girl though because, like me, he’s a fucked up bastard, with fucked-up secrets. But he was a promising boy when he came to me for help years ago, and I just couldn’t let him go to waste.

I couldn’t let him fall down the same dark pit that had turned me into a monster.

So I covered up his screw-up, and he’s been a loyal puppy ever since, albeit one with grit, and dignity. Fearless and dangerous, The Bull doesn’t need to suck up to me, not anymore. Unlike all other men I know, he doesn’t offer his adoration because he’s secretly afraid of me. On the contrary, if anyone stands a chance against me on pretty much all levels, then him.

Sweat dripping down my back, I throw punches so hard that one of his mitts flies off.

“Whoa, not feelin’ very friendly today, are we?” 

I heave, my fists still up. I’m not wearing gloves, just the wraps, wanting to feel the impact of the blows full force. But now that I’ve thrown some punches, I know that what I need today is to be the punching bag.

“Hit me,” I growl. “Hard, in my face or my stomach, I don’t give a fuck, just make it hurt.”

The Bull hesitates, like he always does.  

“Dude…”

“Just do it, Declan.”

He knows better than to hesitate a second time. Dropping his mitts, his right fist hits me straight in the gut. It would send a large man bending from his waist and spitting his guts out, but all the years of training, all the fights to the death in prison, have taught my body to withstand much more than normal men. My muscles clench, and the blow bounces off of me like a fucking ball.

“Harder,” I push through my teeth, gritting them until my jaw hurts. 

Declan hits again, and I buck forward, my abs turning into a wall of concrete. He shoots another blow, and another, so fast that his fists whip the air. My fists strain against the chafing bandages. Before I know it, I respond to his blows, and we dance in a full-fledged fight in the octagon, a stark light from above falling in the middle of it. We keep to the circle of light, the way we did back in the octagon where we met seven years ago.

The only draw in my life. And in his.

Right now, I need the violence that only he can give me. Something to knock out the beastly lust inside that threatens to consume me. If anyone can make the lights go out, then Declan.

The last few blows send us both outside the cone of light, bouncing against the octagon net walls, heaving. We have another go at each other, another flurry of blows that scrambles both of our brains. Another groaning pause sees us bouncing from net walls, struggling to find balance on our feet again.

“What the hell is wrong with you, dude?” Declan hisses among labored breaths, his large chest heaving, Unlike me, the former frat boy doesn’t have any tattoos. It’s a thing of the elites, not to mar their own bodies. But on the inside, his soul is a scarred wreck.

“And don’t even try to tell me it’s nothing because I’m gonna beat the shit of you until you talk.”

“No.” My chest vibrates. “You’re going to try.”

He does. He launches himself at me with a war cry, his arms bouncing off my guard as I block his punches. He does finally land a jab to my jaw, and I groan at the pain that splits my head–loving it, embracing it. Snarling, I stick out my tongue like an enraged gladiator, ready for more. The Bull throws his next hammer-like punch to my face, knowing exactly what I want. What I need. Had he gone for the body, my muscles would have reacted by instinct and turned to concrete, shielding me from any real damage.

But as long as I keep my hands down, nothing can pad my face against the onslaught of violence.

I revel in his blows, my mind focusing on the cracks and splinters and lightning that cut through my head. I grin like a madman, leaning into his pummeling until Declan suddenly stops. 

“What are you doing?” I snarl. “Keep going.”

“Like hell I will. What the fuck dude, why are you doing this to yourself?” The sight of him swims in front of my blurry eyes, his fists unclenching at his sides. There’s blood on one of his bandages, which means the slick wetness above my eyebrow is from split skin.

“What you askin’ stupid questions for? This isn’t the first time we’re doing this. Go on.” 

He shakes his head and steps back, running a hand through his soaked hair. “This is different, man. Seriously different. I’ve never seen you like this before, and honestly, it scares me.”

I fall back against the octagon wall, trickling down to the floor, exhaustion sliding through me. I rest my forearms on my knees, eyes closed to take in the feeling. At least for a few minutes, the beast will be quiet, stunned by the blows, reeling as it tries to regain some focus. Ah, there’s that feeling, of having gotten what I deserved.

“Start talking,” he presses.

“Or what?” I retort, my head leaned back against the octagon wall, my eyes closed.

“Or else.”

A small laugh escapes me. Here it is, Declan’s unique way of cracking me open. I start unwrapping my bandages, focusing on the smooth movement as I speak. 

“It’s, I–” What the hell do I say? I’ve never talked about women with a guy, simply because I was never interested in one. 

Luckily, Declan has this uncanny ability to sense stuff.

“It’s a chick, right?”

My eyes fly up, meeting his eerily black irises. A grin curls up his lips. 

“Well, well, well, the great Jax Vaughn has fallen for a girl. Who knew he even could.”

“It’s not like that,” I grunt.

“By the way you just tried to have it beaten out of you?” He clicks his tongue, pointing a finger at me. “It’s totally like that.”

“What would you know?” I grumble, ripping a piece of my bandage, folding it, and dabbing at the cut above my eyebrow.

Declan’s face tightens. Damn it. It’s been so long since we talked about it that it slipped my mind. 

“I’m sorry.” I’m a bastard. “I don’t know what I was thinking, it’s just–” I refold the bandage and press it harder to my brow, until it forces me to hiss. “I haven’t fallen for her, this is something else.”

“Oh, but there’s no way you can tell, is there?” Declan says. “You’ve never been into someone before. You have nothing to compare it to.” 

I throw a stray glove at him with my free hand. It happens swiftly, his hand raising a split second too late, and the glove hits him in the face.

“The fuck man,” he protests, hurling it back at me across the octagon. I catch it in the air, and drop it next to me. “It’s not my fault a woman is finally getting to you. I’m just trying to help here. I’m not even sure how, but I know beating the shit out of you isn’t a long-term solution.”

“Why not? I’m not a glamorous character in public life, like you, I don’t need to pamper my face.”

“No, but it still is a pity to see you roughed up. You’re a pretty boy, you know. Besides, what will that girl of yours say if you turn up looking like Kitschko run over by Muhammad Ali?”

“She’s slipped under my skin, man.” The words just slide out of my mouth. I rub the folded bandage into my wound, gritting my teeth. “I’m capable of doing the most horrible things for her.”

Declan stares at me keenly. “But not to her.”

“Never,” I react quickly, out of my gut. “But to anyone that tries to take her away from me. Like her ex, he kept texting her the other day, and I just lost it. I considered getting him in a dark alley and breaking every bone in his body. And that’s not even the worst part.”

“What is then?”

“She’s only been there for one night and one morning, and I already told her about Dominic.”

His face freezes. He knows what this means. “How about what happened in prison?”

I shake my head, wet strands whipping against my forehead. “Not yet.” And not because I didn’t want to, but because I couldn’t face the disgust that would have twisted her features. She must never know what I did. 

“I don’t know dude,” Declan says, rubbing the five o’clock shadow on his square jaw. “On the one hand it sounds great. You’re a hard boulder to crack, and being able to talk to someone like that, it’s priceless. Not something one wants to lose.”

“But something one definitely should let go of when they’re a–”

“Don’t say it,” he cuts me off. 

“It’s what I am.”

“That doesn’t mean you don’t have the right to be–” He’s careful about the use of the word, but he goes for it in the end, “you know, happy.”

“Happy.” I spit out the word. “That’s not in the cards for me. The prison shrink said as much when he declared me a menace to society after what happened. I’m incapable of good feelings. I destroy everything I touch.”

“You know damn well that’s bullshit.” Declan is usually a controlled guy, but there’s no missing the anger lacing his tone now. “You come from a shitty background, where everyone predicted you’d become an addict and a goon. Hell knew all the other boys down your lane did. Instead, you never touched drugs, got your first job at sixteen, brought all your money home to your mother, and even enjoyed the pure slavery they subjected you to on those construction sites because it gave you purpose. If there ever was a good man, Jax, then you. You made something great of yourself even in those terrible circumstances, just imagine what you could have accomplished if you were born to a couple of posh narcissists like my folks.”

I scoff bitterly, wishing I could believe that I am a good man, at least in essence. But Declan is biased because I helped him when he was at his lowest. 

“Even if I were a good man, prison changed all that. In a sense, I never came back out.” I slap the bloody folded bandage on the floor. 

“I can’t fall for her, Declan,” I say, my voice the closest thing to a whisper. “I would squeeze the life out of her, cage her in, and go mad with jealousy every time she stared with melancholy out the window, suspecting she might be thinking of some other guy. The only person I can tolerate around her is her friend Mia.  And don’t even get me started on the effort it cost me to agree to those few dancing classes a week that she gives.”

When Declan fails to latch onto that, I look up from the floor. If I were to define melancholy, it would be the look on his face right now. 

“Everything all right?” I probe.

“Yeah, it’s just–” He stares into nothing, his mouth hard. “That name.”

I soften my voice, speaking carefully. “Was it her name?”

He nods, his throat working as if he just swallowed a word he couldn’t say out loud. 

A good friend would probe deeper. But a brother knows better. 

“You know, if you ever feel like talking about her, I’m here.”

Declan bursts into laughter, coming back to himself, and throwing a mitt at me. “If I ever felt like talking about the woman that destroyed my life, it wouldn’t be with an emotionally crippled bastard who’s just tasting merciless passion for the first time. But as the more experienced of us I can tell you, Jax–the experience will hurt. There’s no avoiding that. Yet every second of it will be worth it, and you’ll crave more.”