A few days ago I promised a comeback of the discussion on Hades and the Abuser (read part one of the article, “In love with the Abuser”), two types of lovers that can easily be mistaken for each other. So let’s take a closer look at them, and start with the main differences.
First of all, the Abuser is a deceiver. Hades is not. How come? Simple. Because we know Hades is the god of the Underworld, we already imagine him sitting high on a black spiked throne in Tartarus, and we don’t expect him to act all lovey-dovey. He does not hide what he is. On the other hand, the Abuser comes all dreamy-eyed, he listens and he smiles, he caresses and gives the impression he’s totally there for his beloved. The Abuser seeks to draw in, to create a mirage like a deadly spider, only to inject his venom into his prey at the climax.
The Abuser is weak and bitter, which is why he needs to exercise the abuse. Hades is powerful, there’s no arguing that. We, women have an archetypal concept of Hades, the Dangerous, Dark and Powerful. And it takes only two examples from modern literature to support this thesis, both of which have spread like wildfire, having found fertile ground in the female sub- and unconscious: 1. Christian from “Fifty Shades of Grey” (E.L James). 2. Gideon from “Crossfire” (Sylvia Day).
I don’t believe I have to argue whether Christian from “Fifty Shades” is dark, dangerous and powerful or not. He has a dark secret (his sexual preferences), which are dangerous (BDSM can go mighty wrong) and he’s mega rich, which means he’s powerful (makes a show of it in the books too). Gideon from “Crossfire” is extremely handsome, even richer than Christian Grey, and he’s obsessed with his heroine. The heroine even describes Gideon simply and effectively, “Dark and Dangerous,” often calling him that instead of his name. Imagine the effect of it in the female sub- and unconscious, imagine how Hades’ seed bloomed.
Oh, and let’s not forget example number three, the Father of them all: Edward Cullen, hero of “The Twilight Saga”. Edward Cullen is a vampire, therefore a killer, therefore both dark and dangerous; he can read minds, an intoxicating kind of power that fascinates. Oh, and he’s filthy rich too.
There has been passionate discussion on whether these characters impersonate the Abuser Typos or not. Even though there is little to save Christian Grey from that Typos (he certaintly has some Abuser in him, although he’s mainly Hades), please notice that all of these characters display Hades’ main traits: dark, dangerous and powerful.
One more thing all these heroes share: they are obsessed with the heroine, and they are overprotective. The hero has nothing on his mind besides the heroine. Women desire to feel protected even more than they desire obsession. So you see, all these three iconic characters – Christian Grey, Gideon Cross, Edward Cullen –, which have ‘fathered’ countless similar characters out there, are based on the Hades Typos, NOT on the Abuser Typos. The Abuser Typos is not protective, he’s monopolizing; what he feels is not sensual craving, but greed; he does not seek deepest intimacy, he seeks complete mastery. He is not the Guardian Angel; he is Monopoly.
The Abuser is NOT Hades. He’s not obsessed with his woman, he’s obsessed with his power over her; he does not admire her, he wants her neck beneath his boot, he wants her stripped of all options; he’s not a fallen angel in love, he’s a slave master with a whip; he’s like those luminous fish in the deepest depths of the ocean, where no sunshine reaches, those fish that put on colorful little lights to draw prey to them.
It’s not that the Hades type of men aren’t available in the real word, they most definitely are. Problem is, they’re mostly taken since a fairly young age; they are loyal (they’re everything we talked about above), so they stick to one woman. In the absence of Hades availability, the Abuser has turned into the next best thing.
The authors of the characters we talked about above (Grey, Cross, Cullen) have merely built on an archetype in their female unconscious, I dare say, an archetype rooted deep in the collective unconscious. In plain words, they have merely built on many a woman’s wet dream. I do the same in my novels and stories, because I too am fascinated with the Hades type, and I live with one. (Been with an Abuser before, many years ago). I would love to hear your take on this. Do you feel attracted to the Hades type, or ARE you the Hades type? What are the most attractive, compelling traits to you? What is it in a potential partner that gets you hooked? For men – Are you into the “bad girl”, or rather “the girl next door”? – an article on this one will follow next week, so I’ll need all anecdotes I can get, hehe.