Types of Lovers – the Hades and the Abuser

A few days ago I promised a comeback of the discussion on Hades and the Abuser (read part one of the article, “In love with the Abuser”), two types of lovers that can easily be mistaken for each other. So let’s take a closer look at them, and start with the main differences.

First of all, the Abuser is a deceiver. Hades is not. How come? Simple. Because we know Hades is the god of the Underworld, we already imagine him sitting high on a black spiked throne in Tartarus, and we don’t expect him to act all lovey-dovey. He does not hide what he is. On the other hand, the Abuser comes all dreamy-eyed, he listens and he smiles, he caresses and gives the impression he’s totally there for his beloved. The Abuser seeks to draw in, to create a mirage like a deadly spider, only to inject his venom into his prey at the climax.

The Abuser is weak and bitter, which is why he needs to exercise the abuse. Hades is powerful, there’s no arguing that. We, women have an archetypal concept of Hades, the Dangerous, Dark and Powerful. And it takes only two examples from modern literature to support this thesis, both of which have spread like wildfire, having found fertile ground in the female sub- and unconscious: 1. Christian from “Fifty Shades of Grey” (E.L James). 2. Gideon from “Crossfire” (Sylvia Day).

I don’t believe I have to argue whether Christian from “Fifty Shades” is dark, dangerous and powerful or not. He has a dark secret (his sexual preferences), which are dangerous (BDSM can go mighty wrong) and he’s mega rich, which means he’s powerful (makes a show of it in the books too). Gideon from “Crossfire” is extremely handsome, even richer than Christian Grey, and he’s obsessed with his heroine. The heroine even describes Gideon simply and effectively, “Dark and Dangerous,” often calling him that instead of his name. Imagine the effect of it in the female sub- and unconscious, imagine how Hades’ seed bloomed.

Oh, and let’s not forget example number three, the Father of them all: Edward Cullen, hero of “The Twilight Saga”. Edward Cullen is a vampire, therefore a killer, therefore both dark and dangerous; he can read minds, an intoxicating kind of power that fascinates. Oh, and he’s filthy rich too.

There has been passionate discussion on whether these characters impersonate the Abuser Typos or not. Even though there is little to save Christian Grey from that Typos (he certaintly has some Abuser in him, although he’s mainly Hades), please notice that all of these characters display Hades’ main traits: dark, dangerous and powerful.

One more thing all these heroes share: they are obsessed with the heroine, and they are overprotective. The hero has nothing on his mind besides the heroine. Women desire to feel protected even more than they desire obsession. So you see, all these three iconic characters – Christian Grey, Gideon Cross, Edward Cullen –, which have ‘fathered’ countless similar characters out there, are based on the Hades Typos, NOT on the Abuser Typos. The Abuser Typos is not protective, he’s monopolizing; what he feels is not sensual craving, but greed; he does not seek deepest intimacy, he seeks complete mastery. He is not the Guardian Angel; he is Monopoly.

The Abuser is NOT Hades. He’s not obsessed with his woman, he’s obsessed with his power over her; he does not admire her, he wants her neck beneath his boot, he wants her stripped of all options; he’s not a fallen angel in love, he’s a slave master with a whip; he’s like those luminous fish in the deepest depths of the ocean, where no sunshine reaches, those fish that put on colorful little lights to draw prey to them.

It’s not that the Hades type of men aren’t available in the real word, they most definitely are. Problem is, they’re mostly taken since a fairly young age; they are loyal (they’re everything we talked about above), so they stick to one woman. In the absence of Hades availability, the Abuser has turned into the next best thing.

The authors of the characters we talked about above (Grey, Cross, Cullen) have merely built on an archetype in their female unconscious, I dare say, an archetype rooted deep in the collective unconscious. In plain words, they have merely built on many a woman’s wet dream. I do the same in my novels and stories, because I too am fascinated with the Hades type, and I live with one. (Been with an Abuser before, many years ago). I would love to hear your take on this. Do you feel attracted to the Hades type, or ARE you the Hades type? What are the most attractive, compelling traits to you? What is it in a potential partner that gets you hooked? For men – Are you into the “bad girl”, or rather “the girl next door”? – an article on this one will follow next week, so I’ll need all anecdotes I can get, hehe.

Pic source.

21 thoughts on “Types of Lovers – the Hades and the Abuser

  1. Ana, I enjoyed this post. What a great way to separate the two and in an eye opening way. In most books I’ve read, the Hades character is present, the abuser sometimes shows up, but in the end, the Hades character wins out. Thanks for the insight and I look forward to the next article!
    Hope you have a great week!

  2. Well written, interesting and intriguing explanation of the differences between the Hades and the Abuser, Ana.

    That’s an interesting question, am I into the “bad girl” or the girl next door?

    I’ve always found the femme fatale in the old film noir movies intriguing but those who were totally selfish and self absorbed I didn’t really much care for at the end of the movie.

    On the other hand, I always found the girl next door types in the movies rather boring.

    So maybe the woman I’m looking for is one with the wild passionate sexual lovemaking of the film noir femme fatale bad girl combined with the selfless altruism of the girl next door.

    1. Thanks for the info, dear Chris! It is truly very interestring to know, because I always suspected guys being into the “girl next door” was just Hollywood showing women what they wanted to see in order to get their money 🙂

  3. Hyperion

    Great post Ana!

    “In the absence of Hades availability, the Abuser has turned into the next best thing.”

    I think this says it all. Understanding this as a collective unconscious is intriguing and helps me understand a great deal of what I’ve absorbed. It seems the Greeks were very much aware of true human nature, which they imbued their gods with. They all had their lust, avarice, and other “negative” emotional traits to guide their lives. It only became bad when Christianity attempted to sway us from our bestial nature to a higher level of humanity.

    I was hoping to see evidence of something far different. I admit I am an endangered species in my true thinking and extinction is not far away. All this time, I should have been true to my desire for a wood nymph, but a water nymph would do. I really should have spent my life trying to find Sherrielock Holmes and paid her for some rough treatment before going out with the boys for some good bar fighting.

    Well… It’s too late to change this leopard’s spots. I’ll have to leave that up to the 20 somethings to figure out. I do suggest they read Greek Mythology. It will help them understand themselves far better than anything else they could read. 🙂

    1. It’s interesting to hear you’ve spent your life looking for Sherrielock Holmes, Daniel.

      If one of my characters has penetrated your unconscious, then maybe some of my characters will go on to penetrate the collective unconscious.

      That might help with the publishing and sale of my books. 🙂

      1. Hyperion

        Absolutely! Ever since I saw her in the Modigliani painting, she’s been on my mind. Gotta get Sherrielock into the collective conscious. If all the tweets and retweets about her on my twitter account are any indication, then she gets in the subconscious rather easily. 😀 But, since Renfield already claims her, it’s back to the wood nymph for me.

      2. Hyperion

        I think if we hired Sherrielock to manage the crew we could pursue the Satyr life and write popular literary works about it. 😀

    2. So, dear muse, from your comment I understand you are into the woman with strong personality, but not necessarily the “bad girl.” You seem to be a “bad boy” yourself in certain respects, so you probably like to have someone who matches you. I agree that Greek Mythology – and not only – is true to the archetypes built into the human brain and mind, but I think Christianity provides deep wisdom, and uncovers even older patterns and symbols we’re “born” with 🙂

      1. Hyperion

        Yes, I wanted a woman to share my life not endure it. My mind was as hard as nature was uncaring. My sexual appetite was not for a woman weak of mind or body. A tiger wants a tigress not a gazelle. Gazelles are for eating. 😀

  4. I don’t desire either the Hades or The Abuser, but I seem to attract the Abuse in disguise. I also attract guys who think they are The Hades and I run away from them ASAP.
    The true Hades creeps me out because I am a woman who needs her own space and independence. I think women needing a protector might be over generalized – or I could be in the minority. I have certainly had opportunity to be protected, and it frustrated and annoyed me. I only like someone to take charge in an intimate situation (LOL) but outside of that, they better have their own life and let me have my own. The Hades is intriguing, don’t get me wrong, and I think a lot of women do want that obsessive follower. I want the obsession without the control.
    I think why I fell for the sociopath so easily was because he made me feel like the only woman worth talking to at work, yet he respected my writing and expected me to get to work while he did his own thing. I need someone like him who isn’t a sociopath. 🙂 Haha!
    And it’s true that the abuser is weak and bitter. Like an overgrown child.

    1. This is extremely interesting, Sara! I think that, since you like the obsessive kind of love and a man with some domination power in intimate situations, but resent the control, you have healthy desires. It is only feminine to desire a man stronger than oneself, to desire to be the only woman in the world for him and that he sees the qualities in us all others seem to miss or not be interested in, only that most of these men come with extras that don’t do us or them any good. They end up by giving only the bad, and the 20% that has been good seems to go to the bin rather fast.

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