In love with the abuser – Secrets and Taboos

A subject that fascinates. What is it about the abuser that makes the victim lunge over and over again right into his punches? What is it about the stalker that arouses? Well, research and experience bred some insights – the stalker’s obsession can easily be mistaken for genuine, deep interest in his subject; the abuser often justifies a slap or bad word with extreme jealousy, which easily translates, “You’re sacred to me, no one else can touch you.”

Now we all know abuse is bad. Many lazy shrinks with more hours of twisting a pencil between their fingers and watching psycho-thrillers than real research and field work will support the stamp: if you put up with that, you have some serious daddy issues, gal. Well, that’s the easy way to file the matter.

Political correctness is a witch more often than not (feel free to replace that “w” with whatever letter you see fit; I’ve contemplated “b” for a few seconds). The businesswomen exploited by lovers rarely make the headlines; usually it’s the crack addict or the financially dependent mother. But fact is, no matter the self-esteem, relationship with the father or the preferred brand of dildo, women need a high level of attention. They often feel neglected.

The Abuser Typos makes women feel worshipped through extreme attention. The beater is often forgiven because, after he’s blackened her eyes, he kisses her with the fervor of a man addicted to her; that’s a pretty strong glue; add some alcoholic issues in the mix, and you have the Romeo-and-Juliet-together-to-the-Grave recipe.

Abusers are a$$holes who put on a good show at the right moment, and why they abuse is a wholly different story. My point is: The Abuser Typos enjoys a high rate of success because it builds on an archetype in women’s psyche – the love of Hades, God of the Underworld; his love is consuming, complete, jealous, but Hades is fair in his love; he gives, he worships, he puts the world at the feet of his beloved. THIS is the reason the woman keeps to the abuser – after consuming, complete and jealous, she expects what her psyche (based on the archetype) is wired to expect, namely devotion, worship, attention, great love-making. But the Abuser is a rat. He deceives and manipulates. The Abuser is not Hades.

Of course, not every woman is compelled by the Abuser, and there are huge differences between The Abuser Typos and The Hades Typos, which I’ll cover in a following post. But until then, I’d love to hear about your experiences, men and women. Have you ever had a “fatal attraction” of this sort? At what end were you?

I enjoy researching secrets and taboos through psych study and philosophy, and explore deep and dark relationships in fiction, seeking the beauty in the dangerous. Feel free to check them out here, and enjoy the beauty of the bad.

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15 thoughts on “In love with the abuser – Secrets and Taboos

  1. Hades, Poseidon and Zeus were all a$$holes in my opinion.

    You could tell they were brothers who didn’t fall far from the same celestial tree.

    I’ll be interested to hear your analysis of the Hades typo.

    You should have been here on North American TV giving your analysis of the book and movie 50 Shades of Gray.

    Your analysis of the nature of abuse, abuser and abused woman is far more profound and insightful than any of the drivel analysis I heard coming from commentators here.

    I’ll be interested to hear more of your analysis of archetypes with regard to this subject.

    I’ve never come across the idea of archetypes being mentioned before when it comes to the subject of abuse and abuser.

    1. Hahaaa, Zeus sure was one, dear Chris, never liked him much LOL. As for Hades, he’s the God of the Tartarus, what do we expect, roses?
      Thank you so much for the praise. I am humbled by it, and I really hope to be able to clear this matter. Women need a certain balance between possessiveness and freedom, obsession and lovey-dovey. The mystery and intensity compel, and at least once in our lives, most of us experience such a relationship.

      1. Yes, I suppose one can’t expect much from Hades the god of Tartarus.

        Speaking of Hades, I only found out just recently that when Christ said to Simon, “Thou art Peter and upon this rock I will build my Church and the gates of Hades shall not prevail against it”, He apparently said this to Peter at Caesari Philippi at the foot of Mount Hermon where a mysterious cave was located that ancients believed was one of the entrances to the Underworld of Hades.
        Finding that out cast a whole new perspective on that statement.
        It gave an even more dramatic impact to that statement.

      2. Yes, I was really interested when I first read that a few weeks ago.

        Because for years, I have read numerous commentaries by theologians trying to explain why Christ used that term “The gates of Hades”.

        None of them I guess bothered checking out what was located at the geographical locale mentioned in the New Testament where Christ said this to Peter- at Caesari Philippi.

        If one of the gateways to Hades in the ancient world was located just nearby, then the statement makes perfect sense.

        As they were only mere kilometers away from one of the gates of Hades.

  2. I think that the patterns of brains sometimes intersect. It’s an interesting, and sad, situation, that a lot of women end up with abusers. You seem very inquisitive and I think that translates to good writing (I need to read more of your writing).
    There are so many guys who toy with women and then toss them away. But the narcissist/sociopath/other mentally unstable type always seems so different from the other guys. They show intense interest, and know how to charm. It can be intoxicating to know you’re being a bit stalked by someone you’re attracted to.
    Personally, I’m not into the whole 50 Shades of Grey stuff – to read it or to practise it myself, but I was recently involved with a sociopath… and I couldn’t stop thinking about him because of his obsession with me at the time. Scary crap. O.o But oh, so interesting.

    1. Wow, that is a very interesting experience, dear Sara. Indeed, that is these men’s weapon – showing that intense interest, loking at you like you’re the only thing on their minds. That is intoxicating. And it would be fabulous, if it were genuine. But then the sociopath pops out, and things turn uglier and uglier. This man, how did you manage to get him off your case? It must not have been easy.

      1. True, it’s intoxicating at first. We’d have these long conversations until 3 in the morning, and I wanted to wait before kissing him, because I guess something seemed off. He ended up admitting he was prone to violent behaviour when a certain someone made him angry, and he swarmed me not to mess with him, and admitted to things he got away with in high school…
        I backed away & then he told everyone that I was obsessed with him. So, basically not giving him what he wanted was what got him to leave… he came back to see me four months later, which gave me chills, but it ended the same way.

  3. The great rift between men and women and the inability to manage expectations, wants, and needs leaves the door open for predators that are adroit at exploiting the weakness in others. Still, the attraction is strong and the desire to tame the beast is compelling. Unfortunately, for most, it never works out.

    1. True! There is also the temptation to tame the beast there, indeed. Still, you’ll rarely find a gal stalking the streets for a beast to tame. It is when the beast shows interest and ignites the idea that she is the only one who ever could that this interest is born. But indeed, this desire is a very true and important element, dear muse 🙂

      1. Yes, the whole game of the sociopath is to hide who he/she is until the victim already has feeling for them. I have studied a lot about sociopathy, and have gone on sociopath world, and there are women sociopaths as well who play the same game with men, though they may use a different technique to try to drain what they can from a man.
        You are essentially falling for a person who doesn’t exist when you fall for a sociopath, because they lied about who they were in the first place. I don’t want to tame anyone per se, either. I would expect him to learn how to behave better himself. 😉

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